Manners Matter (*edited)

This is going to sound like so much self-aggrandizing crowing. I assure you, it’s not intended to come out that way, so try to read it without that overtone, okay?

Yesterday, the Chili family went to our local Friendly’s for dinner. We weren’t planning on eating out, mind you, but we didn’t have much in the way of supplies in the house and needed to make a trip to the market anyway. Since the Friendly’s is in the parking lot of the grocery store, we figured we’d kill the two proverbial birds.

We arrived, were seated, and our waitress came over to take our drink orders. About three seconds after the girls ordered their chocolate milk and Shirley Temple, the waitress’s eyes get big and she says “OH! I remember YOU guys! You’re the most POLITE kids I’ve ever waited on!”

I shit you not. She actually said those words.

We’d been served by this girl at least once before, and she’s not hard to remember. She’s pretty and friendly, but beyond that she has several tattoos that the girls remarked on the first time we were seated in her section. She has an elaborate design on her right bicep (part of which shows from under the short sleeved polo the Friendly’s waitstaff wears), a very colorful something on her chest (which peeks out from the button placket of said polo shirt) and, on the backs of her upper arms, she has two eyes. When she has children, I’m sure she’s going to tell them that she can see from those eyes, and that they’d better not try to do anything behind her back.

But I digress: what I’m saying is that she is easy to remember because she is distinctive in her body art. USUALLY, my girls are distinctive for their rich, thick red hair. They are recognizable to people in places we frequent (the grocery store, the gas station near the health club, Target) as “the red heads” and people often joke that they’d like to steal the girls’ hair, and would that be alright (hi, Jangari!) with them?

Did our waitress remember them for that? NO. Our waitress remembered the girls because, when they ordered their drinks, they said “May I please have chocolate milk?” and “May I please have a Shirley Temple?” My kids say “please.” They also say “thank you.” They speak in correct, complete sentences and do not order waitpeople around with “give me” or “I’ll have.”

Apparently, this is so unusual as to be noteworthy. This frightens me beyond reason.

We’ve had complete strangers approach our table in restaurants to tell us that they’ve been listening to us and just had to stop to compliment the girls on their lovely manners. One elderly couple stood by our table for about five minutes, praising the job we’re doing as parents and expressing how much hope for the future they hold after seeing how our family behaves in public (lest you wonder, Mr. Chili and I model that behavior - it’s not just the girls who say “please”).

That this should be so rare that it attracts this kind of attention is just wrong. My children do NOT do anything special or difficult. We do not insist that they perform any kind of super-human feats of etiquette. What we do require is that they deal with people with respect, dignity and manners. They say “please” and “thank you.” They look people in the eye when they talk to them. They ask for things rather than demanding them. They apologize if they do something wrong.

Maybe, if more people could manage those small things - all it costs is a little extra breath - the world would be a nicer, better, safer place.

*Edited to include:  This afternoon, Organic Mama and I found ourselves at a mall for lunch.  While on our way out, she and I held open a pair of doors - I at the inner set and she on the outer - for FOUR adult people.  Not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM so much as muttered a ‘thank you.’  As a matter of fact, no one nodded their thanks or even made eye contact.

“Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?!” indeed!