Things are definitely looking up around here.
We met with Mom and Dad Chili at the local Olive Garden last night. It’s the first time we’d seen each other since the Great Christmas Debate began - in fact, it’s the first time that the girls or I had seen them since Thanksgiving. We chose the O’Garden not only for its public space, but because we thought that putting Mom and Dad in on of their favorite restaurants would make things more comfortable for everyone.
It turned out that we were right. Both the parents were in good moods, and we had a really nice time together. We didn’t talk at all about Christmas, but it didn’t feel like any of us was avoiding the topic, either. It’s already been decided that the holiday will be celebrated here (or, depending on your perspective, it’s already been agreed to, however grudgingly), we’ve told them that we’ll include a formal, sit-down dinner as part of the day because we recognize that’s important to them, and it all feels pretty settled. Mom’s still waiting to hear what I want her to bring to contribute to dinner, and she’s asked that I give her a run-down of who’s expected to dine with us so she has some background and can feel a little more comfortable starting and maintaining conversations, and I’ve told her that I’d be happy to provide that information for her as soon as I have it. I think Dad’s just happy to have a decision that everyone can live with; I’m not sure the venue matters to him a whit.
I’m very, very happy. All of this feels like a true breakthrough; it’s not just Christmas that’s changed, but our relationship with the Senior Chilis seems a little different, too. Mr. Chili stood up for himself in a meaningful way, and it seems as though, just a little, his parents respect that and see him a little differently now. They feel secure in the idea that we love them and were not trying to exclude them by making new traditions apart from them, and are seeing that we’re willing to make accommodations to make them more comfortable. I’m not saying that everything has changed, but something small but very important went “click!” I really think that growth happened, and growth is always good.
Yay, ya’ll!
Peace on Earth, goodwill to men, and dinner at the Olive Garden.
You hit the trifecta baby.
SO GLAD that you get more than unlimited breadsticks at the Olive Garden!! Apparently you get the entire Olive branch and a grand Christmas tradition to boot! Congrats!!
Congratulations! So glad to hear the dinner went well. And kudos to everyone for sticking with it and working it all out. You should all be proud to have handled it like grown ups (mostly — “capitulated”?) and set a good example for your children/grandchildren.
And though it sounds like you will need to go the extra mile to make your MIL comfortable (is she a very reserved person?), it will be entirely worthwhile.
What does not kill us only makes us stronger, eh? I’m excited that you all have reached an agreement that allows you to move forward and focus on the magic of the season! Hooray for the Chilis!
ah, little grasshopper, growth. yes. yes.
Mazel Tov! Growth IS possible!! Now, would ya call MY in laws?
So glad things are looking up! Constructive compromise and growth happens so rarely in my family that it heartens me to see others manage it — proves that it isn’t just a myth of the American Dream or whatever.
Also, yes please do send me recipes! I’m iffy on handling raw meat with my pansy-girl hands, but I’d be delighted to have them anyway. I think I’m going to start cooking over break, for sure.