Okay, so here’s the scene: it’s Friday afternoon. We’d had a lovely week at the lake so far with only a few minor navigable bumps in the familial road.
Mother Chili and I are bobbing around in the lake as Mr. and Uncle Chili are playing a game they’ve invented that involves a miniature plastic basketball and a truck inner tube roped to the dock.
As the elder Chilis are staying at their house through next weekend, I mentioned to Mother that I might like to return with the girls one afternoon during the week and wondered if she’d be agreeable to my bringing Bowyer and Tonks and the boys with me (they had scheduling conflicts and weren’t able to come to visit us during our week; a fact over which I was profoundly disappointed). She said that would be fine, then asked if Bowyer’s schedule was easier in the summer (Bowyer teaches high school science and, therefore, has summers “off”). I told her that, for the most part, Bowyer’s got a bit more wiggle in his schedule in the summertime, but that his involvement in making wooden swords and toys for renaissance fairs keeps him busy.
My exact words were “he’s got a commitment to be at a renaissance fair damned near every weekend.” Her response? “Watch your language. An English teacher shouldn’t use that kind of language.”
EXCUSE ME?! Are we both adults? My children weren’t in earshot (and even if they were, I use that “language” around them all the time). I was stunned into silence, mumbled something about using that kind of language in appropriate situations – didn’t mumble something about this obviously not being one of those situations – and let the waves take me farther and farther away from my uppity mother-in-law. I waited a bit, then decided to get out of the water.
Mr. Chili came over to retrieve his ball, near where I was sitting with my feet in the water, when I gave him a cock-eyed grin. “What?” he asked.
“I said “damned” in front of your mother, and she actually told me to watch my language.”
“Fuck her” was his reply, and he went off to play his game, mouthing vicious obscenities at me every time he missed a shot.
Husband’s reaction almost makes the MIL exchange worth it. Husband does rock. MIL not so much.
Upon further thought…
Does that mean Math Teachers can use that kind of language?
I hope so…
That’s like the day when my MIL asked me a question and I responded with a polite no and she said, “No thank you.” Yes, I had that same pit in my stomach when I read your post as I had that day and I didn’t like it then as I didn’t like it now. I feel your pain.
My wife has two uncle’s that are priests, so you can just imagine how things are when I am around them. I get “corrected” on a regular basis.
But yeah, fuck them too.
Does your MIL have the proverbial poker?
Salty language abounds at castle Twoblueday.
I think only gym teachers are allowed to use those words.
But yeah, Mr. Chili’s reaction was perfect.
hurrah for Mr Chili! He got it right then!
When I was about 15 years old (a long time ago!), I was walking along a road with my mother under a balcony, when a large plant in a pot fell off and smashed to a million fragments, missing my head by an inch at most. I was so shocked that I shouted “JESUS CHRIST”…
She spent about half an hour telling me off for using bad language, and not a word about my narrow escape!
People are so irrational about taboo words arent they…
oops i expect the J C words are taboo in america arent they? Feel free to asterisk me! But then what is the difference ! God its difficult! oops sorry, I’d better leave
JRH, as you well know, Mr. Chili is the bomb. I also think that ANYONE can use that kind of language, regardless of their profession, but that’s just me…
Chatty, I remember reading your post about that and you’re right; the feeling in the pit of the stomach is EXACTLY the same. I’m shuddering to think that most of this woman’s elder care is going to come from me…
Mike, they weren’t IRISH priests now, were they? Because I’ve known one or two to let loose in my time, too; they didn’t, as I recall, take the name in vain, but they did call “shit” when they saw it.
“SALTY” language! I love it. I rarely hear it called that, Gerry – I tend to say “colorful” language, but “salty” covers it better, I think.
Colonel, what was perfect was the casual way he said it (it sounded more like “fucker” ) and that it was his immediate – and only – reply.
Rosie, whether those words are taboo depends entirely on who one is talking to. You’re talking to me, so let fly…
My grandmother did the same sorts of thing to my dad (her son in law). She never did it to her own son that I can remember, that chiding as if they were children who needed a reprimand. I wonder how hard it is to grow old and realize that your children are not children and need not be treated as such. I hope I remember not to do that.
On the priests, thing. My uncle was a Catholic bishop; he regularly shocked my friends with his language. It was kind of funny.
Usually Mr. Chili is pretty, er, darned reserved about “that kind of language.” Guess we know now how to loosen him up on that count!
Way to go Mr. Chili. It’s too bad MIL is so far removed from the possibility of discussing language and intention and by the way, how to pick fights and let irrelevant shit go. Was it worth it, lady?
Interesting aspect of control here, though; I recall how you’ve altered her reign as she who dictates how you celebrate Christmas – could this be part of reaction or is she like this all the time?
Ok, here’s an idea. Do it again, say damned in front of her, wait for the reprimand and then say something much worse.
“Oh that’s just old-fashioned bullshit.”
“I suppose you don’t want me to say cocksucker either?”
You get the idea. Might be fun.
I hope they get her scheduled soon for her stick-ectomy. It must be painful walking around with that thing stuck up her ass!
That’s hilarious.
Bwahahahaaaa
Ugh, I’ve said this before about the MIL – she couldn’t give a shit about your using the word “damned,” she’s just hardwired to mind-fuck you. So in the middle of an otherwise normal conversation she corrects your speech. I would have had the same reaction you did… I’m not that confrontational. But the right thing to have done would to have cocked your head to one side and said, “If you would prefer I not use that language in front of you, then by all means, let me know that it bothers you. But don’t ever correct me like I’m your child again.”
Or maybe you just should have said, “Ah, fuck off.”
You should have mumbled under your breath “haughty, self-righteous mother in law says WHAT?”. To which she would have said “What?”, and you could have said “Exactly.”
I seriously come from a long line of salty-tongued women-they wouldn’t have even blinked at a few hells and damns tossed into casual conversation.
Michael, you know that feeling, when you’re a few days out of an argument, and you slap yourself on the forehead and say “DAMMIT! I SHOULD have said THIS!!”? Yeah, that’s how I’m feeling about your “by all means” comment – that was BEAUTIFUL, and I wish I’d had the presence of mind to call her on her shit, but I didn’t, and I hate that I kind of dropped that ball. There’s a moment I can never get back (though, having said that, it’s likely that this kind of lightning WILL strike twice; I’m keeping your zinger in reserve, because I bet I’ll have a chance to use it again….)
My stepmother doesn’t like the word “fart,” which I think is really prissy and ridiculous. So I let it “slip” once in a while just to enjoy the hilarities. (The boys are allowed to say it too.)
I agree with Meno and Michael. Except with Michael’s suggestion I might have said (or liked to say), “If my language offends you, you are perfectly welcome to not spent any time with me.”
Mr. Chili is a real keeper!
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