Perhaps it’s just because I’m paying attention, but I’m getting daily signals from the Universe.
The other day, I was listening to the Boston NPR station. The ONLY time I EVER listen to the Boston NPR station is when my local stations are running pledge drives, but for some reason, my radio was set to Boston. It turns out that they’re having a show on tonight at 9:00 about good death and changing attitudes toward end-of-life matters. *Edited to include; you can listen to the entire series here; it’s pretty good.*
Yesterday, Amy posted a clip from Kung Fu Panda (a film I’ve never seen, by the way). Go here and start paying attention right around a minute-thirty. I’m not sure if I’m ready to continue my journey without her, but I know for sure that I DO believe.
I had been thinking (wondering, worrying) about whether I could accept the CHS job if it were offered to me. Would I be able to commit to a job while my mother was still in need of care? Bill, Mom’s gentleman friend (and angel in his own right) called me yesterday afternoon with information from his brother (who happens to be an oncologist) that essentially said that despite what the doctor said in terms of how much time Mom may have, we should prepare ourselves for it to be a lot sooner than that. That entirely jibes with my intuition – I feel she’s going to cross over a lot sooner than “months to a year” – and I got those confirmation goosebumps when he told me of his conversation with his brother.
Not two minutes after I hung up the phone with Bill, the director of CHS called me to offer me the position. I explained what’s going on with me and told her that if my mother were still alive at the beginning of August, I wouldn’t be able to take the position. She told me that she’s more than happy to wait until the last possible moment – when she has to submit contracts to her board – and left it at that. Knowing that someone wants me badly enough to wait this out with me is entirely gratifying, and I’m taking that for all the good that it is.
Local U. had a night class they could offer me, so I get to keep my gig there, too.
There’s a lot that’s happening on this plane, too. I’ve got my favorite mechanic lined up to look over Mom’s car this weekend, and Bill’s available tomorrow to help me bring it over. Someone took my yoga class, so I’m free to move the car and meet with the attorney for the will signing (oh, I forgot to tell you; there was an error on the will document, so we had to fix that (I gather that wills have to be perfect; no crossing out and changing stuff) and reconvene for the signing). Things just seem to be clicking, and I’m loving that for as difficult as this really is, it’s all very easy.
I don’t say it enough, so I’m saying it now; thank you – ALL of you – for your love and unconditional support. Thank you (those of you with my cell number) for your random texts of hugs and love. Thank you for sharing YOUR stories. Thank you for being my audience while I write all of this out. My main purpose for blogging was to find community, and you’ve given me that to a degree that even I never dreamed possible. I count you all as my angels in this, and I’m grateful for you every single day. Please remember that.