… care to join me? Apparently, it’s where all the cool kids will be….
The other day, Mom’s gentleman friend – who we’ll call Bill here – found me in the kitchen making toast and asked if he could have some of my time. He was concerned about something, he said – very concerned – and he wanted to talk about it. Mom was sleeping (and looked like she’d be thus for a while), so I buttered my toast and headed for the back porch.
I was expecting him to express apprehension about the increase in Mom’s medication. The hospice nurse (and I) had been asking Mom to consent to an increase in her meds for a few weeks – her pain seemed worse and harder to control lately – and she finally relented on Friday. The increase seemed precipitous to Bill – we went from three pills three times a day to four pills four times a day – and he’d mentioned on Friday night that he was worried about the effect the medication would have on her.
I was NOT prepared for what he really wanted to talk about.
He started the conversation by professing that, even though people live good lives and do good things, they can still be deceived by Satan and miss out on the Kingdom of Heaven. Satan, as everyone knows, is the most beautiful and smartest angel and, as such, is a seductive and inciting presence. He works hard to lead humans astray from the Way and the Light. Even if we think we’re guided by angels – even if we think that the precepts by which we live our lives are the right ones – we might still be treading the path to Hell because, unless we pray ardently for The Truth to be revealed to us and, of course, accept Jesus Christ as our savior, we are doomed.
It’s a good thing I was eating peanut butter on my toast; otherwise, I’m afraid my jaw would have been hanging open.
He actually came right out and said that he was afraid that, even though Mom has said to him that she accepts Christ as her savior (I suspect that what she REALLY said was that she accepts that Christ is A savior (though I doubt she’d use that word) – that Christ is one of many paths to enlightenment – but he heard what he wanted/needed to hear from that), he’s still worried that she’s going to be deceived and miss out on heaven. He pointed specifically to her professed belief in reincarnation and her facility with spirit communication as indicators that she’s straying from the path – the ONE path – that God has laid out as the only way to eternal glory. What’s more, he implied, pretty directly, that she’ll be paving the way for ME unless I change my ways and straighten up.
Oy.
Silly me; I actually tried to have a conversation with him. I tried to point out to him that, perhaps, there was more than one way to enlightenment (the concept of which which he didn’t really take too well; his paradigm only allows for “salvation,” not “enlightenment’). I tried to explain to him that maybe, just maybe, there were as many different paths to God as there were people; that to limit God’s will to one narrow set of rules was, well, limiting GOD, and that seems the wrong thing to do.
Have you guys seen this ad?
I kind of think that’s how enlightenment works; everyone comes to this existence with a certain set of goals and lessons to be learned. The path each of us treads is, by necessity, different from everyone else’s. The faith that works for me may not be the faith that works for you (and vice-versa) and, more to the point, that’s how God (the Universe, the Is, whatever you want to call it) intended. Bill’s path (and maybe yours, too) is through Christ; that’s what feels right for him, that’s what resonates for his spirit. Chili’s path is different – not better, mind you, but different – and that’s okay.
Except that it wasn’t okay with Bill.
What’s more, even if we think we’re on the same path, our relationship to our own spirituality is, by necessity, different. Think about it; ALL of our relationships are different for US than they are for the people with whom we’re sharing that relationship. My marriage to Mr. Chili is quite different from his marriage to me. We all perceive things through our own experiences, we can only see through our own eyes. It kind of blows your mind if you really think about it. There can’t be only ONE way.
I wasn’t offended at all by this conversation; I understand that Bill really believes what he believes and that he came to me out of genuine concern for my (and Mom’s) spiritual well-being. I understand that, as Mom’s passage draws nearer (and it is near), he gets more and more frightened. I’m fairly certain that he came away from the encounter just as afraid as when he went in; I did NOT profess to accept Christ as The Way and I didn’t relent at all in what I believe – nor did I attempt to placate his feelings about what I understand Mom believes.
I didn’t do anything to diminish or disrespect what HE believes, however; in fact, I spent a fair bit of the little time he gave me to talk reinforcing the rightness of his path. HIS path. For HIM. I honor everyone’s journeys, whether or not I understand them. I do not fear for anyone like Bill fears for us, though; I don’t limit God to a narrow set of precepts and rules.
To me, it would seem that God is a more “possibilities” kind of guy. He would lose a lot of people (how many have never even heard of Christ) if he limited His way to only One way.
Bill’s answer to your point, SW, is that, if one has never had the opportunity to HEAR the truth, then, of COURSE, there would be allowances made for that; one can’t expect a savage in the bush, who’s never heard of Our Lord Jesus Christ, to suffer for his own ignorance. Now, let a missionary come to the bush and tell said savage The Truth, however, and the whole story changes.
I really don’t get it.
I will never understand people like Bill. I don’t think that what he’s doing is wrong, exactly; I admire him for caring about other people so much that he’s willing to try and teach them The Way instead of allowing them to go on their own way and face Hell. But there are some concepts about which I simply don’t get why other people can’t be open-minded. Lifestyle, in general, is the big one, and that trickles down to religion, sexuality, etc etc. When there are, as you say, so many many many different people in the world, how can you think that everyone’s wrong except you? It’s just impossible!
I would have had peanut butter in my nasal passages!
There are some in the Jewish faith – the ultra Orthodox – who would say that I am NOT Jewish because I do not live/practice/believe as they do, strictly according to the precepts of the Torah. The wide, WIDE swaths of beliefs allow for everyone – LOVE that ad – the opportunity to define themselves.
That narrow a lens, that restricted a purview is frankly frightening – vestiges of Medieval fear mongering to control the masses.
I don’t think Christians “witness” all they do out of altruism. If they buy the creed hook, line and sinker, then they have to buy into the “rule” that they must “witness.”
Beyond that, I think Christians who belabor others with their views are just like everyone else who belabors something—completely insecure. For some of them, as long as one unbeliever stalks Earth, they are nervous.
I have ranted enough about superstition (my name for religion and a bunch of other stuff), that I don’t need to belabor it here.
I’ll close with this: Christianity says you cannot get to heaven by good works alone. The atheist who lives the life of a “saint” by how he treats others and nature is bound for hell. The evil prick who shits on everyone and everything his/her whole life? A death bed repentance and declaration of belief in Jesus gets a ticket to paradise.
That’s idiotic.
How can you write this post and not have loved Saving Grace! If you watched the show I’d think you were plagiarizing an upcoming episode.
Perception is key. Choice is a heavy responsibility. I suppose life would be a lot easier if I knew there was only one way to do it right. I have, however, been taught that the easy way is usually the bad one. Satan’s way, if you will.
My response is going to be over on MY blog, because it is NSFW, contains adult language and violent/blasphemous imagery, and is unsuitable for children, nuns, and most hippies. I still think all of you should read it, but I won’t ruin Mrs. Chili’s blog for you just because I’m a big meanie.
There will, however, be punch and pie.
I had several paragraphs written, but it sounded preachy and I didn’t indend for that.
The Universe takes care of me.
God takes care of me.
My people take care of me.
And a little bit of all that makes everything okay.
So very well said, Mrs. Chili. Thank you. =)
Oh, bull. He’s not afraid for you it’s just a reflection of his own fear of death.
It’s his issue, let him deal with it. Tell him to pray about it or something.
My mouth would be hanging open, peanut butter or no. Sometimes I find myself at a loss for words when others are trying to enlighten me with their beliefs.
I think I’ve said this somewhere before (perhaps on my blog), but I remember having a conversation with a Christian friend of mine years and years ago. I pointed out to him that thousands of years ago the Egyptians and the Greeks and the Norse held Ra and Zeus and Odin as dear as he held Christ. WE think of those gods and stories as quaint little myths and folk tales, but the ancients thought of them as GODS. Moreover, thousands of years from now, should humanity as we know it still exist on this planet, they will likely think of the Bible, the Torah, and the Koran, and Christ and Yaweh (sp?) and Allah as quaint little myths and folktales.
Point being, how can Bill be so arrogant* as to presume that not only is he right and any non-Christian wrong, but that any non-Christian who’s ever lived was wrong?
My friend had no comeback to that.
* – any “arrogance” that Bill may have is unintentional. I feel pretty safe in saying that. I’ve only met the man once, briefly, but he seemed like a nice guy. More to the point, if he weren’t a nice guy, I don’t think Mrs. C. or her mom would deal with him. We’re not talking Jerry Falwell or Jim Bakker here, folks.
Even though I was taught to believe the way Bill does, I actually believe a LOT closer to what you believe, Chili.
I’ve been trying all day to think of a nice way to say what I was thinking but I think Donna, kwizgiver, and nhfalcon summed it all up for me.
I’ve been thinking all day about what a corner Bill is backed into. Often we turn to religion for comfort, especially in grieving. Now, though, he’s grieving for someone who doesn’t believe what he believes so when she goes he won’t be comforted that she’s in his version of a better place or that she was delivered from suffering or anything else, he’ll be despairing, or even angry. And he’ll probably be angry at her which sure won’t make the grieving process any easier in the long term. The whole thing has back fired on him in this really tragic way. I hope he finds a way to make it easier on himself.
Ah, good times. No real reasoning with that, I’m afraid.
If you haven’t already seen this, by the way, it is hilarious (and related to the My Way is the Only Way view of religion, though in a more pigheaded way).
http://badquestionsforyahooanswers.blogspot.com/2009/06/since-women-who-wear-bikinis-arent.html
Kizz, I think you’ve NAILED it. He’s terrified, and his version of things does not offer him even a modicum of comfort unless all of the pieces of the proverbial puzzle are precisely lined up according to how he’s been told it works (which, clearly, they are not). One little slip at the last minute, and all is lost.
I’m resisting mocking him (who was it that said religion was the last bastion of the feeble-minded?). Instead, I feel pity for him. He really won’t be able to hold his shit together with the paradigm under which he operates, and I’m keeping a VERY close eye on him as Mom continues to decline (no pun intended). I’m not discounting the possibility that our boy could go Jim Jones at the last minute…
I hate when believers of my faith come across as pig-headed and judgemental. (Not saying that Bill did…I just hate when it DOES happen.)
I appreciate that, in your post, you focused on how much Bill cares for your Mom and that he was approaching the subject out of love. However, I realize how hurt and offended you COULD have felt after the conversation.
Much to the dismay of my arrogant, pig-headed and judgmental older step-sister, I prefer to focus on (what I believe) to be the true focus of my faith base. LOVE.
My Bible tells me that “Now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.” Also, when Jesus was asked which commandment was the MOST important, he replied, “Love your God with all your heart, soul, and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.”
So all in all, my faith calls me to love….everyone! And to love the differences that make each of us unique. While I still have a ways to go, I am working towards making my heart an open door. I want to approach every person I meet with loving and open arms….exactly the way I think God does with ALL of us!
Cass, I think I’m in love with you.
I’ll see you in hell.
Okay, that said, i am appalled at Bill’s lack of compassion for battering at you at a time like this.
You have my admiration for remaining cool and calm.
I have a reserved place in Hell, now I will have company! It will be great…
[...] of coming out to me the other day. He saw my telling the “you’re a nice person, but you’re going to hell, anyway” story as an opening to tell me that the same thing happened to him, too, only he was [...]