Another Quick Hit

Oh, dear God.

Mom called after I was home about 20 minutes. She’d worked herself into a panic thinking that she was going into care TONIGHT, despite everything I told her before I left AND what Bill was telling her as she cried into the phone. It took me nearly half an hour to talk her down.

I’m exhausted in my heart.

She’s afraid that if she goes into care, she won’t come out. If she goes in, I really don’t think she WILL be coming out; I don’t think I can keep this up for more than what I’m already doing…

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10 Comments

Filed under frustrations

10 responses to “Another Quick Hit

  1. I’m so, so, so, so sorry. You being exhausted in your heart makes me sad in mine.

    But I am sort of stuck on “afraid…she won’t come out.” Not to be rushing her or being rude about her journey, but…hasn’t she been sure she’s going to pass for some weeks now? Is she having trouble accepting it at this late date?

  2. I can only guess that she’s coming to the realization that this is it, she is leaving her house (not to mention her life). With her skewed sense of time and short term memory it must hit her like nearly new information every time. Bleargh.

    xo

  3. I so remember the weariness. It really is in one’s heart, isn’t it. Can you call the hospice folks and let them help you? I would be there if I could.
    xox

  4. Laurie B

    Oh, Dear Heart

    I’m not sure to add this as a comment or email it..here goes.

    This is not your fault or your choosing. Mom is in a panic mode and presenting dementia and fear. We all understand that and so do you. Change is hard for everybody and this is a change for your Mom. She isn’t, hasn’t been, and can’t be in control. You’ve carried her a long way Sweetie.

    You hosted the “Death Party” a long time ago. Mom bought a ticket on the earlier bus and now she’s pissed off and angry. She missed the bus. Timing is everything.

    I guess it’s sort of like being overtired, you stay up so late that you get a second wind and are up until three am. Your Mom caught her second wind and could very well last unil 2010.

    Now that you have the opportunity to get Mom into a nursing setting without the respite confines, do it. If you were in her “formerly solid, ethical, sane, undrugged, not living out of her fear but in her more sane mind shoes, without worrying about who inherits the house”…what would you tell your kids to do? (As we say in this family, parse that!)

    Honey, it’s time to let go of this situation and let the forces of good that are out there, Medicaid and Hospice, work their magic. They will shut the TV off. That is not depriving your Mom, it’s helping her brain rest and be at rest with what is. That was her wish to begin with.

    You have to step away and regain your own life. Here’s your opportunity. You’ve gone far and above anything a sane person would do. You birth your children, not your parent.

    Sad for your situation but am hoping that once done, you can go and enjoy time with family, chairs on docks, Chatty with white wine. Time off, without the worries of the world.

    Keep that vision, clear water, clean air, early walks, yoga and time with family..that’s the good stuff.

  5. I applaud Laurie B. for her wisdom. I hope you are able to set Mom free and enjoy your family on a well deserved vacation.

  6. Thank you – ALL of you – for this (and Laurie, I’m parsing!).

    I’ve come, I think, to a place of peace with this, and have just put up a post about it. She needs to go into long term care. I need to re-enter my life. We both have journeys to take, and it’s not doing either of us any good to continue to delay them.

  7. SAA

    I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this right now. I really do believe you’re doing the best thing for your mom. Unfortunately, the best thing is hardly ever the easiest thing. I’m glad you’ve come to peace with this. You should! You’ve done all you can physically, spiritually, and mentally. You’ve been a GREAT support and help to your mom. You’re an amazing woman and I really don’t know how you’ve done everything you have for this long.

    Enjoy your time with your family. Recharge your spirit. You NEED it and DESERVE it!

    I love you and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  8. I’m exhausted for you. I know the phone call. She can’t understand what that does to you. (Big hug. With a tear or two.)

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