Stolen, with encouragement and permission, from Tense Teacher.

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have one on the top of my head, about two inches above my hairline. I was seven, I think, and in the back seat of a 1970s-era car with no seat belts or anti-lock breaks. A bicyclist swerved around a pothole, and the maternal unit slammed on the breaks. My little body turned into a missile and my trajectory was halted by the dashboard. As I recall, the mother was pissed that I got blood on the seats.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? An old-fashioned map of Bermuda and Punkin’ Pie’s dragonfly fold-art.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 10:15 in the morning on Wednesday, January 15, 1969.

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? For my friend to finally get the help she needs.

5. WHAT DO YOU MISS? What, not who? Believe it or not, I miss nursing my babies. I loved that forced quiet time, and the lovely bonding with my daughters. What I DON’T miss are the diapers and the sleep-deprived hallucinations, though…

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? I’m not much of a material girl. I guess I’d have to say my wedding ring set.

7 . HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3″ first thing in the morning and when I’m feeling particularly good about myself.

8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY? Startled, sometimes, but never scared.

9. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? I’ve got a couple of worst fears, and they all involve the loss of people I love.

10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? My favorite member of the opposite sex has reddish hair.

11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR? Again, I’m going with my favorite man, whose eyes are a hazel-ish blue.

12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Neither, thanks. I’m an Ovaltine, Diet Coke, or lemon water kind of gal.

13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? MMMMM! Onions, mushrooms and lots of sauce and cheese!

14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A plate of Chicken Scaloppine from Macaroni Grill. I’ve been in a low-level of crave over that dish for about a year and a half now.

15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? Probably green, though I’m also mighty fond of brown in my clothing choices.

16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? A living one? No. I like the little pretzel fish from Pepperidge Farms, though.

17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? I can’t remember. I’d say my most meaningful gift was my engagement ring.

18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? I’m going with Tense’s answer on this one: I have some celebrity crushes, but no one in real life.

19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Anything that fits. I have no brand loyalty whatsoever when it comes to clothes.

20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT? I HAVE the car I want - a 2006 VW Golf - black, four door, five speed, sunroof and electric windows! It’s lovely to love what you have and have what you love.

21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Would I have a choice?

22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? Yes, I’ve been to Bermuda. I drove into - and out of - Canada once, but I never actually set foot on Canadian soil, so I don’t think that counts. O’Mama SO wants to remedy this for me…

23. YOUR WEAKNESSES? My husband. Chocolate. A good book.

24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Not that I can recall.

25. FIRST JOB? Babysitter

26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? No. Despite what my parents might have thought, I was a goody-two shoes.

27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? Yes, absolutely; probably more than one.

28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? Do you really care?

29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Yes; you all know about the outpatient surgery to have the cyst removed from my forehead. With luck, it’ll be my only surgery.

30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My hair, my capacity for friendship, and the lovely manners my daughters display in public.

31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? I want a birthday. I’ll be happy to have tucked away another year with friends and family - I don’t want for anything material. If I’m pressed for a gift idea, though, I’m collecting the West Wing on DVD. I’ve got the first two seasons so far…

32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? I’ve got the kids I want; two daughters, which is what I always daydreamed about (see the loving what you have and having what you love comment above).

33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. I have an interesting naming story, actually. My biological mother wanted to name me Clancy, regardless of whether I was male or female. I was born in the era of twilight sleep births, so my father named me, and that name is NOT Clancy (not “Not Clancy,” either, wise-asses!). I have a name that’s unusual enough that I’m the only one I know, but not so strange that people ask me to repeat it when I introduce myself.

34. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Any of the isms - sexism, racism, homophobia (which, even though it’s a “phobia,” it’s still an “ism”). Really, any kind of closed-mindedness.

35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL? Nothing. I was lucky to survive my childhood and I’d never, ever go back.

36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Whatever’s on sale and smells good to me that day. Currently, we’re working our way through a family-sized bottle of some variety of Suave.

37 . DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, when I first start writing. Once I get going, though, my penmanship deteriorates.

38. ANY BAD HABITS? I’m a little better at procrastinating than I’d like to be.

39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? Not really, but I’m also not entirely immune, either (see question #55).

40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absolutely.

41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? No.

42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I breathe, mostly. Sometimes, I’ll need to be alone so I don’t treat my family badly, but mostly, I breathe.

43. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? To put more good into the world than I found when I got here.

44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? I loved my teddy bear. In fact, it’s the only piece of my childhood that I still have.

45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? Too many for me to stop and count.

46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? Barney wasn’t around when I was a kid and if he were, the answer would be a resounding NO. He was forbidden in my daughters’ childhoods, too - we went for Bear in the Big Blue House instead.

47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Definitely mac and cheese

48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yes (Who thinks these questions up, anyway?)

49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM? No; neither do I have a television.

50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? I’ve got a haircut appointment at 4:30. We’ll eat dinner together as a family, Mr. Chili and I will watch some TiVo before we go to bed (unless there’s a Sox game on). I like to do a little reading before going to bed. Exciting, no?

51. WHAT’S THE FASTEST YOU’VE EVER GONE IN A CAR? We did 120 in Mr. Chili’s Corrado once (more on that car later this week).

52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? The hum of the fridge and the ticking of a clock (and the keys of my laptop as I type)

53. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Ovaltine

54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Neither — I’m a registered Independent.

55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM? Most of the time, I register pretty high. I still have some fairly serious and significant issues with this, though, and I imagine I’ll struggle with them for the rest of this life.

56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I’m reading 1984 by George Orwell for the Dark and Stormy Book Club.

I’m off to work; today marks the halfway point in the semester! Happy Monday!

To my biological mother;

I decided to write this letter to you because, despite the wondrous amount of healing and growth that I’ve managed to accomplish in the eight years since I told you I didn’t want to see you again, there are still things I have to say. Because I really don’t ever want to see you again - there’s little I want more than to live the rest of my life without you in it - I’m writing here. Perhaps this will get back to you; likely it won’t. Either way matters not a bit to me because this isn’t about you, anyway.

The woman I’ve become is far more than you ever led me to expect she could be. I am in a strong, healthy, respectful, and loving marriage with a truly amazing man who treats me and our daughters with a kind of joyful passion that I’m certain you wouldn’t understand, and that makes me sad for you. I trust my husband unconditionally - with me and with our children - and I know that trust is well-founded.

My life and my home are filled with genuine friends who do know the “real me” and love me for what they see. Your predictions that I would find myself alone and friendless because that’s what I truly deserved were completely wrong and, judging from what I remember of your life, seemed to be more projection than prediction. I am not selfish, conceited, arrogant, or greedy; I do not use people for my own ends. I am not two-faced. I do not lie. My friends and I share common interests, goals, and passions, and I have proven, on many occasions, that there is very little that I would not suffer for the sake of a true friend. I get back what I give, and if I ever start to hear your voice in my head telling me that I’m unworthy of human companionship, I only need to look at the caliber of people who call me friend to know how terribly mistaken you were about me.

I am a fantastic mother. My children know, without any hesitation whatsoever, that I love them. They don’t have to beg for my attention. They don’t worry that I’m going to stop loving them if they displease me. I actually talk to my girls - they know they can come to me with any question or problem and I will treat them with dignity and respect; I will listen to them and help them make their own decisions. Do we have a perfect relationship, my girls and I? Of course not; but it is a relationship. I don’t blame them for “holding me back” because they don’t, and I don’t tell them that they are bad people when they make childish mistakes because they are children. I chose to invite these glorious people into my life, and they chose me as their mother. I owe them the very best I can give them, and I expect them to take that with a childish greediness. Life is a learning curve, and I’m happy to help them through the rough patches because that’s what I agreed to.

Where did I learn to be the person that I am? I’m sorry to say that it wasn’t from you, but I won’t tell you that you didn’t teach me anything, either. I learned almost all of what is good about me from Claudia. I learned to be kind and thoughtful from her. She showed me how good parents treat their children. She told me that I was real and valuable and worthy of the love of good people. She taught me how to be articulate and careful with my words, and how to argue respectfully and fairly. She gave me a good example to follow, and I’ve tried as best I can to live up to her care for me in everything I do.

From you, I learned what kind of person I don’t want to be. I learned, from watching you interact with your mother, that it was a far better thing to cut you out of my life than to let you continue to dictate the terms of our abusive relationship in front of my children. I didn’t want them to hear from you how terrible a man my husband is, like I heard about my father from your mother. I didn’t want them to see me cry in the car on the way home from visiting you. I didn’t want them to see me allow myself to be disrespected and dishonored by someone who is supposed to love me unconditionally, so I don’t see you. As a mother, this was perhaps the best decision I’ve yet made in the raising of my daughters, and I don’t regret it for a moment.

I learned from you to trust my children. I don’t automatically assume, as you did, that what they’re telling me is a lie. If, God/dess forbid, they come to me with accusations about someone abusing them, I will not make them sit next to that person on a couch and retell the story. I will not assume that the accused is blameless and walk away from the scene as if nothing had happened. That happened to you and you learned nothing. You let it happen to me, and I learned everything.

This isn’t a typical Mother’s Day tribute but, in the end, maybe it is. I don’t hate you; I’ve moved well beyond that. As a matter of fact, I’ve grown to the point where I literally feel nothing at the mention of your name. I do honor the lessons you taught me, though. I believe that we do choose our parents, and that I chose you so that I could become the one to break the chain. The work that I’ve done as a result of your teaching has led me to be a strong, loving, and confident woman and, God/dess willing, the grandmother of generations of healthy and happy people. The fear and hate and self-loathing and abuse ends with me; I choose to send out love and compassion and joy.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Stolen, with love, from TenseTeacher (thanks, Tense - I was at a loss today…)
1. Link the person who tagged you (done).
2. Mention the rules (uh-huh).
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged (not gonna happen).

Next, from Merriam-Webster Collegiate.com, the official definition of a “quirk”:

Main Entry: 1. quirk
Pronunciation: kwrk
Function: noun Etymology: origin unknown Date: 1565
1 a : an abrupt twist or curve
b : a peculiar trait : idiosynchrasy
c : accident; vagary
2: a groove separating a bead or other molding from adjoining members

1. I buy flip-top Colegate, and I must bang the toothpaste cap closed on the counter before I’ll put it back in the drawer. I have NO idea why I do this, but I do.

2. I put my moisturizer on before I put gel in my hair. I’d rather have face stuff in my hair than hair stuff on my face.

3. I dislike waffle-style brown ice cream cones. I’d rather have a white cone when I get ice cream out. Oh, and I’ll only get ice cream out that I’d not usually buy to bring into the house - watermelon sherbet or Almond Joy or that kind of thing… unless I’m at a Ben and Jerry’s, in which case it’s always Phish Food.

4. I love pajamas and have several different and very cute pairs, but I never wear the pants to bed. They get all bunched up and make me crazy, so I kick ‘em off as I’m getting in the sheets and sleep in the jammie top and my skivvies.

5. I don’t like bananas or anything, like smoothies, cream pies, or frozen drinks, with bananas as a primary component. Strangely, though, I like banana bread.

6. I’ve never owned a car with an automatic transmission.

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

It’s springtime in New England, Kids! Here, look! Proof!

First, here’s a close-up of what’s going on at The Tree. Despite the pretty, soft red of these buds, in another week or so the entire tree will be a giant puff-ball of white blossoms:

These are forsythia growing in my yard!

These are adorable. They’re some variety of violets (Johnny Jump-Ups, I think) and they’re trying to take over. Grow, little cuties, GROW! You may spread to wherever you can reach!

The rest are previews of what’s coming. I’ve got a clump of chives coming up that, in another few weeks, will go from this (which I took today):

to this (which I took last summer):

Finally, I’m also eagerly anticipating irises. The greens have come up (I didn’t bother to take a picture of what looks like a clump of tall, wide grass stalks) but, as yet, no flower stems. I have faith, though; here’s what I got last year…

Happy Fucking Floral Friday, Everyone!

]]> http://theinnerdoor.wordpress.com/2008/05/09/five-for-f-f-friday/feed/ mrschili http://theinnerdoor.wordpress.com/2008/05/08/five-months-in/ http://theinnerdoor.wordpress.com/2008/05/08/five-months-in/#comments Thu, 08 May 2008 10:31:30 +0000 mrschili http://theinnerdoor.wordpress.com/?p=1674

Just call me Copy-Cat; Kizz checked in with her list yesterday, which reminded me to check in with mine. Let’s see how Mrs. Chili is doing with her 108 for 2008, shall we? My current comments are in bold.

1. Go on vacation with my family. Preferably to someplace warm and with almost no agenda or schedule. Mr. Chili is working on this. It looks like we might end up in the DC area, which means we get to spend time with Dudley and Squeaky and, if all works out, Steve from the Hygiene Chronicles!

2. Use lotion with sunscreen every day. Kizz’s head cleavage of 2007 inspired this one. I’m pretty good with the lotion; not so good with the sunscreen. Now that I’ve got the cyst spot to look after, though, I really ought to be more conscientious of this one.

3. Eat more veggies. I’m working this. I’m trying to lose weight at the moment, so I’m loading up on green tea and veggies and thinking of meat and carbs as side dishes.

4. Eat out less. We’re actually making this happen.

5. Try more recipes. I’ve got literally shelves of cookbooks and cooking magazines, many of which have Post-It flags indicating recipes that intrigued me. It’s time to start testing them. Having my cooking blog is helping with this. I made a chicken caprese recipe the other night that I need to post. Watch that space…

6. Make wills/trusts. The financial part of this is easy; deciding who would take custody of the girls should Mr. Chili and I… erm… co-decease is a little harder. Any suggestions? Any takers? On this one, I’ve got nothing. I SHOULD have something, but I’ve got nothing.

7. Encourage / facilitate the completion of the upstairs bathroom and the back deck. I brought this up the other day, but I didn’t get any solid response, so I’ve got nothing on this one, either.

8. Find and hire a contractor to replace the siding on the original part of the house and to replace the original roof. See the answer to #7. Nothin’.

9. Have the yard landscaped (and have those pathetic, snow-broken front bushes removed). I’ve got a girlfriend whose fiance does this sort of work. I need to call them.

10. Schedule physicals for Mr. Chili and myself. Not yet.

11. Get back in to the flossing and Lysterine-ing habit. I was good with this for most of last year, but I got lazy. That leads me to… I’m not flossing every night, but I am flossing more than never, so I’m saying this one is on track.

12. Go to the dentist. I’ve promised myself that I’ll schedule this for the inter-term break at TCC.

13. Stop procrastinating so much. I’m getting a little too good at avoiding things, to the point of it stressing me out. I know this is a vague and general goal, but I’m going to try to put a check next to it when I review this list in 2009. Um… not so good with this one. As a matter of fact, judging by the condition of my house, I’d say I’m getting worse.

14. Visit my grandparents once a week. This is going well. We’ve only had to cancel once or twice; sometimes because of a conflict in our schedule, sometimes for a conflict in theirs, but we see them more than we don’t.

15. Visit my mom once a week (or, at least, call her once a week). I’m taking Mom to her radiation treatments every Thursday, so this one is knocked. I go over early so I get to spend some time with her - I’m not just acting like a taxi service. it’s nice.

16. Spend more time with my sister. This one isn’t entirely in my control - Girl’s got a crazy schedule - but we are seeing more of each other lately than we have in the past.

17. Go to NYC for a weekend with Kizz. Kizz was telling me, this past weekend, about some screamin’ deals on bus tickets. I’m going to make this happen this summer.

18. Meet at least ONE blogging friend in the real world. Any takers? DONE! I’ve met THREE already, and more meetings are planned! I had a great weekend with Bo and SaintSeester in Alabama in March, and I got to meet Steve on the way there. This summer, I plan on meeting Chatty and Gerry of TwoBlueDay, and O’Mama and I are going to try to convince Grammar Snob to come New England for a weekend.

19. Vote. CHECK! And I’ll do it again in November, too!

20. Be consistent in my classroom policies. If I say I’m not going to accept late work, I’m not going to accept late work, dammit! Ummmm… I’m BETTER at this, but still not perfect. I’m a softie who wants her kids to succeed.

21. Meditate once a day for at least five minutes. If I average this one out, it’s probably pretty close, but I’m not consistent about every day.

22. Walk three times a week for at least half an hour… when the weather is warmer. The weather is getting warmer, and I’m ready to start this. With my current schedule, I can make it happen on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, and I’m starting on Friday by walking Beanie to school (if it’s not pouring) and taking the long way home.

23. Establish a family game / movie night. We’ve got Scrabble and Boggle and Sorry and Uno and Monopoly and a ton of DVDs; I want to have a together-time routine established before the girls get too far into the pre-teen thing. While we’ve not got “game night” per se, we DO have dinner together every night - no more eating in front of the t.v.

24. Clean out “my half” of the basement; set up a sewing table; purge and reorganize seasonal/holiday stuff. Yeah. I got nothin’ on this one.

25. Keep up my grade book. I’m not bad at doing the grading, but I kind of suck at entering the grades and attendance on my computer. This falls under the “procrastination” heading, and is something that I end up dreading because I put it off for so long. I’m actually keeping up with this and MAN! does it feel good!

26. Balance our checkbook every month. This isn’t such a big deal as our records are kept online, but I’d like to have copies in my accounting software, just in case. Nope.

27. Open a savings account and direct a certain and as-yet-to-be-determined amount each month into it. I’m actually ready to do this. We got our “stimulus” money last week, and that’s going to be the seed that starts the new savings account.

28. Pay at least an extra mortgage payment for the year. not yet

29. Invite my in-laws to dinner once a month. I think part of our relationship troubles stem from our not spending sufficient time together. I could be wrong about this, but it’s worth a shot. We’re good at this. The ‘rents were here just last Sunday to have salads and angel cake in honor of Mother’s birthday.

30. Double-check our homeowners’ insurance to make sure we’ve got sufficient coverage. Find out whether big-ticket items need to be catalogued somewhere. I have the bill on my desk, but I’ve not called yet.

31. Complete professional development workshops at TCC. As an adjunct, I’m not required to do this, but I want to take advantage of the credit hours for my licensure. The scheduled PD sessions have conflicted with the yoga class I teach at the club. I’m going to the fellowship in the summer, though, which is going to knock off a SERIOUS number of hours, so I’m good.

32. Write to my biological grandmother once a month. I haven’t done this.

33. Move my IRA CD to our investment account, and encourage Mr. Chili to consolidate all of our investments under one statement. or this

34. Have the cars regularly maintained; oil changes, tire check-ups, annual super-cleaning, that sort of thing. this, however, I’m good at. Just got the Golf’s oil changed the other day, as a matter of fact, and she’s due for an inspection later this month.

35. See some of the movies that I’ve bought but haven’t yet watched. Not yet, though Blood Diamond is loaded on my phone, so I can watch it in waiting rooms and such.

36. Schedule one do-nothing day a month. I REALLY need to do this - now more than ever.

37. Read non-stop; never be without a book. This is pretty easy, what with my literature classes and the Dark and Stormy Book Club, but it’s going on the list anyway. Oh, yeah - this one’s easy. Check.

38. Inventory and either purge or use the items in the freezer. I just cleaned out the fridge. Haven’t gotten to the freezer yet, but it’s in the plan.

39. Buy and install a new dishwasher and refrigerator. Really, this isn’t a huge deal. I’d rather have the roof and deck and bathroom first.

40. Go swimming with the kids (mine and the Bowyer boys) this summer, either at the health club pool or at one of the several lakes within striking distance. Totally happening this summer.

41. Learn how to work the gas grill in the back yard. I’m too dependent on Mr. Chili for burgers and steak in the summer. I’m pretty sure Mr. Chili’s folks are getting him a grill for his birthday. I’ll learn to work that one.

42. Take the girls (or all the kids) to the Museum of Science for a day. This will be a good summer day thing to do.

43. Forth of July on the Charles? Could happen…

44. Be more sustainable / less wasteful. Bring canvas bags to the grocery store, use my Nalgene more often, that sort of thing. I’m SO good with this. There are, at this moment, at LEAST 5 reusable bags in my car, and I remember to bring them into the store with me about 99% of the time.

45. Reduce the soda habit to one or two cans a week. Actually, I’m getting good with this. I’m trying to train myself to drink green tea. I’m on day three - how many days does it take to form a habit?

46. Plant perennials in the yard, especially in the back yard where I can see them out of my kitchen windows. We started seeds in a bunch of peat pots this past weekend, and the hostas are coming up all over the place outside!

47. Take a multi-vitamin. Most of the time I remember this. Not always, though.

48. Encourage my family to take a multi-vitamin. Ditto

49. Send my husband love notes when he least expects them. I’ve not done this yet this year; hold on… There! Just tucked one in his wallet.

50. Tuck love notes in the girls’ lunch boxes when they least expect them. This is actually easier to do, so it gets done more often.

51. Call my friends for no good reason other than I miss them. I’ve done this! Just last Saturday, as a matter of fact. I found myself in the car with unlimited weekend minutes and I called three friends just because! I’ve also called Bo on an occasion or two, and I’m texting people when they pop into my head, too.

52. Organize the garage and build “soda shelves.” This is in the works - it’s finally warm enough to get out there for a long enough time to get anything done.

53. Take more pictures. I’m still not great at this.

54. Try to say “yes” to my children more often. When they’re not making me crazy…

55. Drink more water. Tea counts, right?

56. Remember friends’ birthdays - even far away friends. So far, so good!

57. Attend a Pride event. I haven’t done this yet, but I’m hoping to spend some time with Auntie at the Cape this year…

58. Become a member of my NPR station. Missed the spring drive…

59. See Laura once a month. Nope. She was just in my head this afternoon, though - I’ve gotta call her.

60. Get to know Tonks better. I’m working on this. Our schedules don’t mesh well, though…

61. Moisturize my cuticles once a day. I’ve been AWFUL about this lately, and it shows. Tonight….

62. Have the prongs on my rings checked. Yep!

63. Have the cats’ shots updated. Nope!

64. Get flu shots for the family. It’s not flu season yet. I’ll do this - I always do.

65. Go through my closet and purge anything not worn in a year. I do this when I do the winter/spring switch. That’s not happened yet - soon.

66. Complete YNG training. Two more weekends, Baby!

67. Complete the Holocaust Studies fellowship. July 13-19. Watch for some seriously serious posts during that week.

68. Coordinate a kick-ass Constitution Week activity at TCC. I’ve totally let this fall off my radar screen. I won’t be employed at TCC when Constitution week comes around, so screw ‘em.

69. Establish a home yoga practice. Not yet, but it’s still in the card

70. Include Mr. Chili in that yoga practice. We practiced together for a few weeks, then stopped. Gotta get back into it.

71. Sit in on a culinary class at TCC. I’d better hurry up and do this; the college is closing soon!

72. Sit in on some colleagues’ classes at TCC. See above

73. Take a cooking workshop offered through TCC. And again…

74. Eat at TCC’s restaurant. Like I said…

75. Spend time with the girls in the kitchen. Teach them to make one reliable recipe that ISN’T mac and cheese from a box. We’re good at this. We make mac and cheese from scratch, we ruin brownies, and we have a great time with quiche.

76. Read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Check!

77. Go to a faire with Tonks and Bowyer. Not yet

78. See a jazz concert with BoBo and his Mrs. Also not yet

79. Take my husband on some dates. Maybe once a month? Alas, also not yet. Maybe we’ll start the tradition by going to see Iron Man next week

80. Establish a manageable housekeeping routine. Do a little every day. Yeah… that ain’t happenin’ yet.

81. Plan something special for our 12th anniversary (June 29th). Nope

82. Plan a fun birthday party for Beanie in March… We had her party at a pottery painting place. She had a blast

83. And for Mr. Chili in May… I’ve got something in the works for this

84. And for Punkin’ Pie in June. But nothing yet for this…

85. Keep my computer’s address book updated. SO much easier with the iPhone!

86. Purge stuff we don’t use anymore and either donate it or have a yard sale. I’m doing this a little at a time, but I AM doing it.

87. Read Memoirs of a Geisha. Not yet

88. Rent and watch The Queen, The Kingdom, and Retribution. No, no, and no - yet.

89. Keep my Amazon wishlist updated. I’m okay with this.

90. Do Boot Camp with my kids at Beanie’s elementary school. Nope. Boot camp coincides with Mom’s radiation treatments. Which is more important?

91. Donate to Mr. VeryTall’s fundraising efforts on behalf of Special Olympics (damned fool is going to jump in the Atlantic on February 2nd!) Done! 20 bucks, and I didn’t even get to see the damned fool jump in; I had to work that morning!

92. Keep up with my chiropractic care. Goes without saying

93. Visit my OB/GYN. I’ll schedule this when they send me a “poke and prod” card to remind me.

94. Teach during the summer term at TCC. YES! I get to stay on one more semester!

95. Update my resume. THIS was done out of necessity

96. Apply to adjunct positions in other local colleges. Again, fate forced my hand. No jobs yet, but I’m working on it.

97. Look into applying for a Master’s in History at Local U. Eh. I’m not so jazzed about this right now. If I don’t find work in September, I’ll take a class.

98. Get a pedicure (maybe as a treat for finishing # 66?) I’m such a yankee. I do my own pedicures. They’re more fun, anyway - I get to do them with the girls.

99. Buy Christmas or birthday presents whenever I find something that reminds me of someone instead of waiting until the proverbial last minute. I don’t shop much anymore, so this is harder than it sounds.

100. Send out holiday cards. (This one is harder for me than it seems; I’ve not been able to manage it for three years now.) I may or may not do this; I’m not sure how much I really care.

101. Spend some Mommy and Me, alone time with each of my daughters. We do this, but not as often as I’d like, nor as deliberately.

102. Re-pot the house plants, including the ficus trees if they need it. They DON’T need it, not this year, though I DID repot a bunch of stuff that needed new dirt.

103. Create at least two new step routines for class. Check. I still suck at teaching them, but they’re made.

104. Scan and catalogue all of our family Christmas pictures. I’ve taken one a year since before Mr. Chili and I were married, and I want to make sure I’ve got them all. Nope - I’ve not even started this.

105. Go to Apple Harvest Day and have handprint tiles made of the girls to add to the collection started in 2005. This happens in October. We’ll TOTALLY do it.

106. Establish a chore routine for the girls, that includes an allowance, to teach them more about family responsibility and money. Mr. Chili and I were just talking about this yesterday. It’s going to happen, and soon, but it’s not happened quite yet.

107. Spend book gift cards. Oh, please. Done.

108. Finish this list! CHECK! PHEW! So, I’m not doing too badly. I’ll check in again in October or so, just to see how I’ve progressed.

I started TiVo-ing Dexter. It’s a show originally put out by Showtime that’s been picked up by CBS.

The main character of the show is a serial killer who works as a forensics expert in a Florida police department. It’s fascinating. The episodes are peppered with voice-overs and flashbacks about this man’s past. Adopted as a young boy, Dexter had the good fortune to land in the care of a police officer who recognized his true nature - the monster inside him - and taught him to control his drives. The result is that Dexter is a killer with, not a conscience, exactly, but with a code.

For all that I am a peace-loving, literature-reading, intellectual wannabe, I do love, every once in a while, a good, violent, scary mystery. Car chases, gun fights, I’m not even above a little blood. I avoid gore for gore’s sake - I won’t go to movies like Saw or Hostel - but Dexter is really a great combination of adrenaline and intelligence. There’s even some humor thrown in there, just for good measure.

I am a little pissed off at CBS; they have a tendency to put an episode of Cold Case off time, which pushes off the start time for Dexter. I don’t have Showtime, so I can’t get the episodes on demand, so I end up missing whole chunks of the story when CBS messes with my TiVo. The next time I’m in my video store, I’m going to see if I can rent the first season. I won’t even mind seeing the parts I’ve seen before; it’s that good.

So, Punkin’ Pie and I were cooking this evening. Beanie had a friend over, and Punkin’ was feeling all left out and sad, so she moseyed into the kitchen to help me put together tonight’s dinner of macaroni and cheese.

We were having a pretty good time of it. The sauce was made, the noodles cooked, the entire thing mixed and popped in the oven. Then Punkin’ asked what was for dessert and asked if we could make some brownies. I was pretty high on this whole cooking-with-my-daughter thing, so I said “sure” (even though I really didn’t WANT a brownie because I’m really, really trying to be a good girl about what I eat lately, but that’s a topic for another post).

SO! Punkin’ gets out the box of mix (because, domestic goddess though I am, I have yet to find a brownie recipe that even comes CLOSE to the goodness that can be had out of a box) and I ask her what we need. She directs me to put a cup of water and a third of a cup of oil in a bowl, she adds the egg, and then we mix.

I knew, as soon as she said “one cup of water” that we were in for a glorious teachable moment. I’ve made a ton of brownies from a box, and I know there’s FAR less water required for a box of brownie mix. For a long moment, I considered asking her to double-check her instructions for me. I decided against that, though, mindfully and consciously, because we’ve been trying to get her to understand how important it is for her to pay attention to directions and to be careful in the things she does.

She’s currently upstairs in her room, sulking because dessert was ruined and had to be poured down the sink. She is convinced that it’s “NOT FAIR” that it came out wrong, and I’m hoping that she can come, all on her own, that it’s not a question of fairness, it’s a question of awareness…. her own.

The girls were on April vacation the week before last (good thing, too, because the weather last week sucked!). At the end of their vacation, while I was in Yoga National Guard, they decided to try to convince Daddy to set up the tent in the side yard so they could go camping. His response was that they come up with a list of reasons why he should comply, and gave them a little bit of information about David Letterman and his top ten lists to spark their thinking. Here’s what they came up with as a result of that lesson in pop culture (I’ve transcribed the list exactly as they wrote it, by the way - it was printed on paper that’s too big to scan and post as an image… sorry):

Top 10 why we should sleep outside

1. Heat is reflicted - the body heat we give off is reflected by the walls of the tent. That means we will be nice and cozy.

2. April vacation. April vacation is almost over! We want to have as much fun as possible in the time we have left.

3. Last night you said that Carrie and I could sleep outside (Mommy’s note; Carrie is a friend of Punkin’s who came for a sleepover. Beanie was at HER friend’s house so the big girls could be alone together). We said no but now I want to.

4. We want to get outside

5. It’s gosh darn fun!

6. Practice for away from home camping.

7. Fresh air is important for growing kids.

8. You won’t have to deal with us for a whole night (Mommy’s note - SO not true - Daddy sleeps out there with them for now because the very last thing on Earth we want to hear is screaming children in the middle of the night. Mr. Chili would kill himself running down the stairs, so he just sucks it up and sleeps out there with them).

9. better than using mind sucers (electronics) (Mommy’s note - I think that’s supposed to be “mind suckers” and they’re saying that if they weren’t camping, they’d be playing video games, which is also SO not true, but I think, by this point, they were reaching for good reasons).

10. we’ll be bundled in our sleeping bags.

I love that they gave up the editorials after only two list items, but you’ve gotta admit that this is pretty gosh-darned cute, no? They got their wish and spent Friday night into Saturday in the tent.

Happy Tuesday, Everyone!

Here’s what The Tree looks like today:

Didja notice it? Can you see it? That little bit of red at the bottom? Here; take a closer look:

I have NO idea how it got there, but there’s a single red tulip growing at the base of the tree. It’s the only tulip we’ve got in the yard, and it came as a complete and total surprise; none of us remembers planting it. It’s a little springtime present!

Happy Monday, Everyone!

Mrs. Chili says: this blogging thing can be complicated business, especially where others are concerned. For the most part, I really believe that one’s blog is one’s space - there should be no restrictions or censorship on it at all. It is true, though, that sometimes we have to write about things that involve other people and, often, those other people read our blogs. It’s there that the idea of completely free expression becomes tricky; we don’t want to hurt or anger the people we’re dealing with, but we still have to write about what’s happening in order to work through our own issues and to get the feedback and perspective of others that’s really at the heart of why we blog.

Such a situation has arisen for my friend Organic Mama. She’s dealing with something difficult that she needs to write about (and no; I don’t think need is too strong a word. We’re writers, she and I, and writers write to work through just about everything. It’s just what we do.). The person who’s inspired this bit of angst reads her blog, and Mama understands that her musings could a) be taken the wrong way by someone already hyper-sensitive b) make matters worse.

I offered her this space to post her story so she can get her thinking out and so she can gain some perspective and feedback from the really smart, thoughtful, and compassionate people who read here. I’m not being sycophantic here - you all know how much I value your input in my life; help my friend out, woudja?

Mrs. Chili has graciously offered to let me guest post so I can write about some troubling things I cannot on my own blog.

I’m mourning the loss of a friendship. Well, to clarify, my friend’s side of it.

Back in 1991 when I was engaged to be married, I got to know my beloved’s quirky best friend. Tall and lanky, Rich laughed easily and was testing my wits with banter within moments of meeting him. Sarcasm and snarky put downs of the Jewish American Princesses and their behavior, and how much we reveled in being outsiders dominated our initial bonding, and by the time we started talking about comic books and science fiction, I knew we would be friends.

My husband, aka Side-show Bob, and I lived in Seattle at the time and we flew home to Montreal to get married in December of 1992. Dressed in a well-fitted Tux for his role as an usher, my friend Rich cleaned up nicely (he could usually be found in a Bat Man tee-shirt and jeans) and by the end of my wedding evening, had hooked up with one of my bridesmaids. Their dance floor antics - twirling, strutting and laughing - were a highlight of the wedding and I was thrilled when they dated for months afterward. They came to visit Bob and me in Seattle and were among the first to learn of my pregnancy with my now thirteen year-old daughter; they were shocked that I, at 29, would launch so quickly into motherhood when I could otherwise live freely and unencumbered by the huge responsibility of a child. That was mostly Rich’s attitude and it hasn’t changed; the world of my friend’s creation is an entirely selfish one, but I don’t condemn that view: REALLY, children are not for everyone.

While that has not changed for my friend, nearly everything else has. You can read the story of how I found out just how much here.

Since Rich became Valerie, we’ve spoken fairly regularly and although I hadn’t yet seen her, I did have access to photos of my friend’s transformation on her social networking site page. I was then and am still entirely supportive of her choice and her new reality. The old version, the male version, was an unhappy man and I often worried about the extent of his unhappiness; his humor was caustic at best and his moods dark. When we went years between seeing or speaking to Rich, we didn’t know why, but we recognized that something was going on and that he would surface eventually. Rich knew we would be there when he returned. Of course the reality was the secret life, the female persona he was investing increasing amounts of his life into, and the beginnings of his gender reassignment hormone therapy. When I finally understood what had been going on, I was relieved and thrilled and was eager to see Val.

When I knew I was going back to Montreal to visit my folks, I called and excitedly arranged for my daughters (13 and 10) to meet up with Val at a local Starbuck’s. I worried aloud to her that I might ask a question or say something that might offend, but she assured me that she knew I was adjusting and wouldn’t be offended by anything. After our visit, this is what I wrote:

This morning we saw Val and it was incredibly. .normal. Once I got over the rampant grinning and the hugging, we had a regular old conversation and caught up as the friends we are; we chatted about the things - movies, comics, Montreal, etc., that we always talk about and had a lovely visit. The girls were involved in the conversation and once they got beyond the strangeness, were also perfectly at ease. Val looks great, is happy, and is a snarky and sardonic as Rich ever was, but without the bitterness informed by HIS deep unhappiness. I am going to go for a long walk with her tomorrow and catch up properly, which I am looking so forward to.

Unfortunately, due to family obligations, that walk never happened and I returned to New England without having seen Val the second time. I didn’t think much of it and left a message thanking her for a great but short visit and requesting plans for the next time I came into town. I didn’t hear back for a week, which is unusual. When I got notification that she had updated her blog, I was saddened and floored to read the following:

I think that I’m coming to the sad conclusion that I just don’t have it in me to keep these {old} friendships going. Every time that I speak with people from my past it’s a constant reminder of the person that I used to be. It’s very hard for these friends to see me in a new light, and comments or criticisms hurt and annoy me. The truth is that even though I have spent countless hours over the past 20 years talking to these people, they really don’t know me at all. My newer friends see me and accept me as I am. There is no baggage. I don’t have to worry that they will slip up with pronoun usage or that they still refer to me by my last name…

My memory of our visit did not include any of what Val laments as the reasons for the unfortunate dismissal of our old friendship. Since she didn’t return my call and therefore obviously does not wish to discuss it, I find myself at a loss. Clearly I was having a very different, wonderful time with her than the one SHE experienced with me. This is also unmistakably NOT about me, but about Val.

For the last months since I learned of Val’s new world, I have been nothing short of exultant for Val about the happiness I know she is now experiencing for the first time in her life. Free of the chains of “male bullshit,” Val has flourished and I have been one of her most vocal cheerleaders. I have listened and encouraged while she talked of her look and her clothes and her new girlfriend, her strained relationship with her parents. Now while am letting go of my friendship with the no-longer existing Rich, and was transitioning to and getting to know the new manifestation, Val,she doesn’t want my presence in her life.

I actually understand the rejection, but it doesn’t really mitigate the sting. What I am is angry at her selfishness, her lack of direct communication, but again I understand this transformation IS all about her. New friends, without the filter of who she USED to be, are just easier. Without rancor, I really hope she is happy with her new friends but yeah, I do hope she eventually realizes that old camaraderie is invaluable and to be cherished. But she may not.

When and if she decides that those who have loved her in her various incarnations are again welcome in her life, I will still be there. MY side of this friendship is used to disappearing acts of months or years and Val has a LOT of shit to figure out on her chosen, but very difficult path.

If I am not the kind of friend she needs, so be it.

I’m still her cheerleader. Go, Val!

But I am cheerless.