Low Self-Esteem Day

delusions.jpgSorry, Readers. Mrs. Chili is having “a day.” There are a few things converging on me at once, and I’m feeling ill-equipped to deal with most of them. Today would have been a good “stay at home in my pajamas” day but, alas, Mama’s got responsibilities.

As a result of this ebb in the Universal flow, I’ll be happy if I can manage dinner and a little reading while Mr. Chili and Dudley watch the SU/Georgetown game on ESPN tonight. I love it when I hear Mr. Chili scream at the television because I know I can count to three-Mississippi and the phone will ring with Dudley on the other end, screaming at HIS television in Maryland. They’re so cute together…

In lieu of something funny and intelligent from me, I leave you with this little list of witticisms, sent to me by one of my favorite yoga participants:

Zen sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. In fact, just leave me the
hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your
neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their
shoes.

9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
he will sit in the boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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5 Comments

Filed under Little Bits of Nothingness

5 responses to “Low Self-Esteem Day

  1. thank you — I especially like the last one on the list, and I might have to post it somewhere near my desk! I hope things lighten up a bit in your universe…

  2. jrh

    Anything I can do?

  3. I too love the last one. So………

  4. Victoria, are you trying to tell me something… : )

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