To continue my Boston-themed week:
If you’re from around here, all these will ring true to you:
You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heatwave.
You refer to 6 inches of snow as a “dusting.”
Just hearing the words “New York” puts you in an angry mood.
You don’t think you have an attitude.
You always ‘bang a left’ as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Everything in town is “a five minute walk.”
When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
You don’t realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
You’re anal, neurotic, pessimistic and stubborn.
You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something or are from out of town.
Your favorite adjective is “wicked.”
If you’re not from around here, these are some things you should know:
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hour. Breakdown lanes may also end without warning causing traffic jams as people merge back in.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you’re on Beacon Hill. If they’re named after poets you’re in Wellesley.
It’s the Sox, The Pats (or Patsies if they’re losing), the Seltz, the Broons.
Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with baked beans.
Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don’t.
Finally, mostly for Dudley, here are a couple of good Red Sox / Spankies jokes:
A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?” “I’m going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road,” replied the priest. “Climb in, Father. I’ll give you a lift!” The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn’t see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, “Sorry, Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan.”
“That’s OK,” replied the priest, “I got him with the door.”
Albert Einstein is at a party and he’s surrounded by a small crowd of admirers. He introduces himself to the first member of the group, and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man answers, “191.”
“Wonderful!” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert then turns to a woman and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
She responds, “123.”
“Ah!” says Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We, too, have much to discuss!”
Einstein then notices a third member of the group and again inquires about the man’s IQ. This time the answer is “62.” The great physicist ponders for a moment, then brightens and says, “GO YANKEES!”