Let’s see how this goes.
Tonight, after my shift with Mom, the girls and I are packing into the Puck and heading to the Cape to spend my two days off with Gerry, Honey, BlueMoon and NewMoon.
I can’t wait, but I won’t lie and tell you that I’m not more than a little anxious.
This will be the first time I’ve had off – completely off – since Mr. Chili’s surprise party on June 13th (and even then, I stopped in on my way through to check on how things were going). I’m afraid I’ve almost forgotten how to not be “on.”
I’ve been told, on no uncertain terms and by a pretty staggering array of people, that I need this time. I spoke with Ellie this morning (I wanted to give her an update on how the weekend went after the adjustment of Mom’s medication) and told her that I was going away. She made me promise to completely disengage; I’m not to call and, unless something really changes, no one is going to call me. “Enjoy yourself, enjoy your girls, and relax,” she said, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
I’m not entirely sure how Mom feels about my leaving. I joked with her yesterday and told her that if she wants me to be with her when she passes, then she’s going to have to wait until at least Thursday to do it. I have the feeling that she’s displeased that I’m going, but I know that the logical part of her understands that it’s vital that I have some time away in order to continue to care for her at all. Then again, she’s pretty well medicated at the moment (we finally got her pain under control and, as a result, she’s spending a lot of time asleep); I’m not sure she’ll have any concept of the time that will pass while I’m gone.
I really wish that Mr. Chili could come with us, but he’s in it up to his eyebrows at work for the next two weeks. Regardless, I will be surrounded by people who love me exceedingly well; I have no doubt that they will feed my soul and I will return much more whole and peaceful than I was when I arrived.