Daily Archives: July 17, 2009

Keeping Vigil

I’m at Mom’s tonight.  I’ll sleep on the couch so I can be in the same room.  I think she’s just about ready.

Thank you all, so much, for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.  It may not seem like much to you, but it means everything to me to know that you’re all out there loving me.


Filed under Uncategorized

Just When I Thought it Couldn’t BE More Fun…

… we get to toss ego into the mix.


So, VERY long story short; the day after the family meeting, I came to Mom’s to report to my post.  Bill was in a state, so, of course, I ask him what’s up.  He’s hot because – again, long story short – he feels like he’s doing all the work and Mom has declined any assistance that required she put a lein on the house so that “you kids could get an inheritance.”

Whoa, Buddy; back up the truck.  I’m not IN the will.  I get nothing beyond the things that she gives me.  Meadmaker gets everything.

“Wait a minute,” he says, “she introduces you as her daughter.  Your kids call her Nana.  You’ve been here, doing everything from the very beginning, and you’re telling me you’re not in the will?!”

Nope; not even a little.

Well, that didn’t help matters at all.  Now he’s upset because, in his words, he and I are doing everything (quite literally) and are (again, quite literally) getting nothing.

It’s not about the money, per se; I think it’s about his sense of fairness and justice.  He cannot wrap his brain around the idea that Meadmaker isn’t willing to move outside of his comfort zone to do the things that Mom needs done and yet, despite that unwillingness, he stands to benefit from the things that she leaves behind.

Mom called me at ten minutes to six this morning (imagine what my first thought was).  She was crying, and she told me that she needed me to come over.  I got into quick clothes, threw on my glasses, and got in the car.  When I got here, I discovered that the problem wasn’t that she was ready to cross over, it was that they had had an early morning argument about the will and what gets left to whom.

Bill’s not very good at moderating his emotions, so Mom could tell he was upset about something.  She bugged him about it until he ‘fessed up that he was hurt and upset that she didn’t think it was right and fair that some provisions be made for the people who are primarily responsible for her care.

The thing is?  He’s not wrong.  Without him, Mom would have lost the house a year ago (and, he pointed out this morning, the same is true of me; without me to do the care I do, he’d have lost his job.  It’s his rent that’s been paying the mortgage for the better part of a year).  If we hadn’t been here, a visiting nurse and / or home health aid would have cost upwards of $30-$40 an hour, and she has required round-the-clock care for almost six months now.  The math works out to be a substantial amount.

There’s really no way to solve this problem that I can see, because, for him, it’s not about what he can get in his hand; it’s about recognition for what he’s done.  Sure, we can change the will, but I don’t think that’s the issue – I think that what’s really got Bill in a twist isn’t that he’s not being left anything beyond a couple of trinkets, but that Meadmaker gets everything.

As executor, my plan all along has been to take as much care of Bill as I can (and it should be noted here that, depsite what Bill (and maybe some of you) might think of Meadmaker, he is, at his heart, a good and fair man).  My plan is to approach Meadmaker with a proposition that he and I divide everything evenly in half, and that Bill gets half of my half (the girls get the other half).  I think he’ll go for it, I think that it’ll put Bill a bit more at ease, and I think it’s perfectly reasonable, given what’s transpired.

Phew.  This shit is exhausting.


Filed under compassion and connection, concerns, doing my duty, family matters, frustrations, Home and Family, messages from the Universe, my oh-so-exciting life, on death and dying, ruminating, technical difficulties, Worries and Anxieties