Daily Archives: July 18, 2009


She survived the night.  Well, I should say WE survived the night, though I’m a bit worse for wear because of it.

We were able to talk for a bit, which I think was good.  She’s come to a decision about how to take care of Bill, and I have been gently letting her know that this was, really, her last important piece of business.  I told her I love her, and that it’s okay to go.

So far, though, she ain’t budging.

At the risk of sounding selfish, this is pretty excruciating.  Remember how bad she was a few weeks ago?  She’s much worse now, and standing by watching is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I cannot even begin to imagine what’s worth staying here for in her current condition, and I’m horrified that she’s going to live long enough to experience the kind of relentless and unrelieveable pain that I’ve heard bone cancer patients can have (as it is, she’s taken several doses of her breakthrough medication since I’ve been here).  What she’s got waiting for her has to be better than what she’s got here, and I hope that sometime very soon, she recognizes that.

I’ll keep you all posted.


Filed under messages from the Universe, on death and dying