…you don’t even play one on t.v.
Seriously, People? Where my patience is coming from is entirely beyond me.
Bill called me yesterday, just as I was heading in to yoga class (perfect timing). It seemed that he’d taken it upon himself to adjust some of her medications, and was calling to tell me what the new doses are.
He’s always been bothered by the amount of medication Mom’s taken, even from the very beginning. His current freak-out is due to the fact that she’s on a couple of drugs which are purposed to be sedative (phenobarbital) and anti-anxiety, anti-nausea (Adavan). He seems to think that these are unnecessary and, as a result, as switched her dose from one each every four hours to HALF of one each every SIX.
Now, I understand that neither of these drugs is meant cure anything. It’s not as if he’s cutting back on an antibiotic or an antiviral or something and thereby doing her any real harm. Regardless, it is NOT HIS PLACE to decide what is or is not necessary, and it’s CERTAINLY not his to adjust medication. Further, he’s not inside her head (or her stomach) and has no practical knowledge of what these medications are doing for her.
I’m so beside myself, I’m practically two people.
I gave her full doses yesterday (he made a disapproving face when I told him that, and I somehow managed to refrain from unleashing the full force of my indignation at him at that moment). I’m following the last orders given to me by doctors and nurses – you know; people with MEDICAL degrees.
I spoke to Ellie this morning, and she hinted that she is of the opinion that Mom may not be able to stay in her home for much longer as a matter of practicality. Bill is neither a good energetic influence, nor is he particularly trustworthy at this time (if he ever was). I fully support the idea of moving Mom into a long-term care facility when and if that time comes, and will unflinchingly exercise my medical POA if I have to.
*Edited to include: Ellie called back after visiting the house this morning. She told me that she tried to talk Bill into recognizing that Mom’s terminal (he knows that, but he doesn’t really know it, you know?) and that addiction to drugs is, in this case, not a concern. She also tried to get him to understand that it’s not necessarily the drugs that are sending her into other places – a lot of what she’s doing is very spiritual, otherworldly work – nor will it be the drugs that end her life.
I was taken entirely aback by her seeming lack of concern for Bill’s taking it on himself to change Mom’s dosages, though. She did say that he didn’t do any harm; if Mom had asked her to dial back the extra meds she’s taking, Ellie would have set them to pretty much what Bill was already doing. I pointed out to her that that may be so, but it’s not HIS decision to make, and he shouldn’t be messing with her medication without the EXPRESS consent of someone with a medical degree. “What’s next,” I asked; “is Bill going to think it’s okay to adjust her Dilaudid pump?” Neither of us thinks he’d do that, and she agreed with my point, but I was still disturbed by her “it’s not a big deal” attitude.
I understand that Ellie has to walk a fine line here. She NEEDS us, and she can’t really afford to let either of us jump the proverbial ship (there’s a post about THAT coming sometime soon; watch this space). I understand that she had to get me calmed down, and I understand that I wasn’t there when she talked to Bill, so I don’t know how stern (or not) she was with him. It’s just frustrating to know that I’m justified in my anger and frustration, but to not have it reinforced by the people who SHOULD be pissed about having their orders not only outright ignored but tampered with, to boot. I wonder if, back at the office, Ellie pitched a private fit to her coworkers.
I’m trying to let it go. I’m better than I was this afternoon, but I’m still not quite there yet…*