Monthly Archives: October 2009

Six Word Saturday

I really miss my Small One.


Filed under love notes, memorials, my oh-so-exciting life, pets

TOTALLY Didn’t See THIS Coming…

Chili’s note; this is another dead mother post, only this one is combined with a dead kitty post. Beware…

I can’t believe I’m going to admit to this, but it’s bothering me enough that I think it’s something that needs to be written.

I am taking the loss of my Small One MUCH harder than I am taking the loss of my mother and, to be honest, it’s kind of freaking me out a little. I’ve walked around since Wednesday with this thin sheen of sad that I’ve not been able to shake, like a layer of sweat on a hot, muggy day. I am almost constantly aware of his absence in the house. I find myself holding the door open after (my remaining) three cats have come in, because I’m expecting him to be taking his sweet time moseying his way to the door. I do the mental checklist before I go to bed and want to double-check the garage to make sure he gets in.

I talked to Bobbie about it the other day, and she assured me that I had nothing to feel bad about. “You watched your mother turn into someone even she would not have put up with,” she said; “she was dead long before she died. Think about it; you didn’t have to watch the Small One turn into a dog.” Bobbie’s point was that I had significantly more runway and time to prepare for Mom’s passage than I did for Small One’s. I mean, we knew he was an old man, and we knew he’d never really been healthy; not only was he was the runner-up runt of the litter (he had a litter-mate who died a day or so after they were all born) and had never been quite “right,” but he also spent a couple of the proverbial nine lives a few years back when he went into renal failure around Christmas time. We knew we couldn’t keep him forever, but we didn’t know he’d be leaving us this week.

And what’s up with the fact that, in the course of about two months, the Universe has seen fit to make sure that I was present with two souls that I love as they passed? Am I some sort of cosmic emissary? It’s fine if that’s something I’m supposed to do, I suppose; if my spirit/energy/vibration radiates at a good frequency for that kind of work, then I’m happy to do it, especially if it brings comfort and ease to the passers. I guess I’d just like some sort of indication that this is one of the purposes for which I’m here so that I can steel myself for the job; it takes a lot more energy than one might expect.

I wonder, too, if I’m taking Small One’s passage so much harder because I’ve already lost Mom. I wonder; is grief cumulative?


Filed under concerns, memorials, messages from the Universe, on death and dying, pets

Burning the Days *Edited*

My beloved and I meeting Bobo tonight then, after dinner, the three of us are going to see Vertical Horizon.

A real, live date! Can you IMAGINE?!

I hope they play this song; I think it’s my favorite on the new CD:

*Edited to include: Oh. My. GOD. I expected the concert to be good. I did not expect it to be two hours of non-stop, totally fucking awesome. SO worth the fact that I’m wrecked this morning for lack of sleep. If you ever get the opportunity to see these gentlemen live, DO IT. I mean it.


Filed under admiration, celebration, Friends, love notes, music, My husband rocks!

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

I’m getting a little too good at saying goodbye.


The Small One
April 1993 – October 2009


Filed under love notes, memorials

Ten Things Tuesday, Plus One

Eleven frustrations (both minor and perhaps not-so):*

1. People who do ten miles an hour below the speed limit in broad daylight in dry conditions. Add to these the people who don’t know how to use signals (either they’re always on or they’re never on); people who drive with one foot on the brake at all times; people who slow down for green lights; and people who can’t read signs and, as a consequence, realize they have to make a right-hand exit from the left-hand lane.

2. Students who complain TO MY FACE that they can’t do their homework because they a) want to go to the dance or b) are missing their favorite t.v. show. Seriously?!

3. The parents who allow their slacking kids to go to dances and to watch t.v. when those children have outstanding work due to their teachers.

4. Pledge week (which is really “pledge ten days“) on Public Radio.

5. Children who will walk OVER folded laundry in the family room for a whole week, then complain that they have no clean clothes in their room.

6. Waking up at 3:40 in the morning for no good reason, and not being able to get back to sleep.

7. People who don’t honor promises or commitments.

8. People who say they’re finished with something, but can’t resist coming back to re-do just one more thing. If you’re done, you’re done; move the fuck on.

9. Bringing the wrong connector for my computer to work and not being able to show the movie I intended in class. Ugh.

10. Expecting something helpful in a workshop, and getting a whole afternoon’s worth of nuthin’ (though, I suppose, this is another way of expressing #7; the workshop didn’t deliver what it promised).

11. Computers (or cars, or any such something) that act up on me, but that work just fine in the presence of others (especially the others I depend upon to fix such things when they break). Twice I’ve brought a computer to one of my colleagues (who is good at making them do his bidding), complaining that it wasn’t working and twice has that colleague handed the thing back to me, claiming that he couldn’t reproduce my problem. He returns to me a computer buzzing with happy compliance and function. GRRRRR!

*Chili’s note; I’m not in a mood, though this might lead you to believe I am. It’s just that this was the quickest list I could come up with today…


Filed under dumbassery, frustrations, Little Bits of Nothingness, ten things Tuesday

Monday Meme

Boosted from Nurse Exec a couple of weeks ago.
A- Advocate for: equal rights for EVERYONE
B- Best Feature: my compassion
C- Could do without: mean and/or stupid people
D- Dreams and desires: to keep doing what I’m doing.  Maybe to get another degree.
E- Essential items: iced tea. laptop. cellphone.
F- Favorite pastime: reading
G- Good at: parallel parking, literary analysis, friendship
H- Have never tried: skiing, skydiving, or spelunking.
I- If I had a million dollars: Invest, buy a vacation home someplace warm, and open an anonymous philanthropic foundation
J- Junkie for: chocolate.  Duh.
K- Kindred spirit: my husband.
L- Little known fact:  I can roll my tongue, but I can’t flip it like my sister can.
M- Memorable moment: just one?  Our wedding day.
N- Never again will I: allow myself to be victimized by people I love
O- Occasional indulgence:  alcohol.  Rarely and in moderation, but a good wine buzz is lovely now and then.
P- Profession: educator
Q- Quote: I’ve got a million of them.  How about this one “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
R- Reason to smile: pretty much my whole life.
S- Sorry about: being unable to get through to my biological parents.
T- Things you are worrying about right now:  lesson plans.
U- Uninterested in:  hatred, ignorance, and trying to speak intelligently with those of small minds.
V- Very scared of:  random violence, unanticipated loss, freak accidents, careless drivers
W- Worst habits:  procrastinating, blogging to the exclusion of other, more important, things, and sweets.
Y- Yummiest dessert: Oh, dear – making me choose?  I’m craving warm chocolate chip cookies (like my husband makes) and my babycakes.  When it gets cold outside, my desires turn to warm and comforting.
X- X marks my ideal vacation spot: Bermuda
Z- Zodiac sign: Capricorn


Filed under Little Bits of Nothingness, meme

I Think This May Be My New Policy…



Filed under Uncategorized