Right around the same time that the weather never gets above 35 degrees, Mrs. Chili starts getting cranky. In an effort to balance that cranky, here are five reasons why I hate the cold, combined with five reasons why it’s not so bad.
1. Let’s start with a positive, shall we? Once the weather gets this cold, my entire garage turns into a fridge. All I have to do is open the back door and leave sodas, leftovers, or desserts on my garage porch. No need to rearrange the refrigerator. This is especially handy around the holidays.
2. Bad. The steering wheel hurts to touch in the morning. HATE that.
3. Good. It’s kind of the same answer as #1, but it’s different; because the garage is so cold, the trash never stinks.
4. Bad. The cold wind makes my eyeballs sting. That makes them tear up, then the tears freeze, which makes my eyes sting more. HATE that.
5. Good. The extended, deep cold kills off a lot of creepy-crawly things that my friends in warmer climes have to put up with. We don’t have scorpions or many venomous snakes because they can’t survive our winters. I’m totally down with that.
6. Bad.. very bad. Just when we need it most, the fuel we use to heat our homes gets more expensive. It costs a lot to live in New England in the winter if one expects to be even reasonably comfortable.
7. Good. I’ll be the first to admit that a winterscape CAN be very, very pretty, especially when the moon shines on snow (I’m especially fond of looking at it from the warm and safe of my own house).
8. Bad. I’m restless in the cold. When I’m too cold, I can’t think clearly, and I hate feeling like I’m constantly distracted and never settled.
9. Good. I know this sounds corny, but I don’t think I’d appreciate the warm weather as much as I do if I didn’t have to suffer through our stupid winters. I kind of hate that it works that way, but I really do think it does.
10. Bad. Cold weather often brings with it dangerous conditions; people slip on ice, hurt themselves (or have heart attacks, or chop off fingers) trying to clear snow with shovels or snowblowers, drive like maniacs because they think that having a fancy SUV exempts them from Newton’s laws of motion, or kill themselves on snowmobiles or skis. Really, I think it would be better if we could all just stay inside until spring.