Quick Hit: Adventures in Parenting

It seems we have progressed into the mindlessly hostile, fuck-off-and-die phase of development.

Oh, joy.

When I asked her, in a moment of calm, if something bad happened to her today, she told me no.

“Can you articulate where all this anger and hostility are coming from?”






Filed under frustrations, general kid stuff, my oh-so-exciting life, Parenting

14 responses to “Quick Hit: Adventures in Parenting

  1. “If you can’t articulate it to me, at least don’t throw it at me.”

  2. Improbable Joe

    Well… to paraphrase the late Christopher Hitchens: “That which can be asserted without articulation, can be dismissed without articulation.”

    And frankly, you’re better off just backing off and not internalizing any of it, or trying to fix it. You can be there to supply emotional support without allowing yourself to become a punching bag, right?

  3. Donna

    Reiterating Improbable Joe, LET IT GO.

  4. Been there. I feel your pain.

  5. Rowan

    Having been through this stage with six of them I can relate!
    Breathe. Exhale. Repeat.

  6. How many years do I have left with BlueMoon tolerating me?

    If I see her after a school day, I ask her, “How was school today?” The answer never varies, “Good.” End of conversation. Do you think the process has started?

  7. Laurie B

    Hello Joe and Wayfarer and Donna, we’re looking at the experiance of a young teenager. I remember those raging ragged times myself. Don’t you?
    It’s how and when we learned how to be adults. WTF? if the Chili parents or kids are sensing any signal that things are amiss with teacher or a date or anybody else and the child can’t quite articulate the issue then you all just presume that the problem doesn’t exist? Here’s the thing, you can’t dismiss this conversation.

    Sometimes the victims don’t have the words they need to know to poke the folks to connect with some help. Chili, be there and ask the questions your daughter isn’t able to ask. She will in time, but not now. Keep in mind, not everybody has boot straps to grab on to.

    Hello, if a student shows up at my door or in a classroom and says “something isn’t right”. Well, shit. I’ll do what has to be done and stand with the student every time.

    Up ’till now. I’d thought better of you all of the commenters here. Sure, I was a rebellious teenager and part of that was falling victim to an abuser. I am a rape victum. If a young female student says something isn’t right or won’t comment. Get you ears on and pay attention.

    That may not be the case here at all, but worth considering. I so remember being an angry teenager, hell, what did I know other than I was smarter than my parents. Any other listening adult was a saviour and an abuser.

    I. Joe, I love that you comment and love Chili, but you have never been a teenaged girl so just shut up on this one.

  8. Laurie B

    Sure, I should have included male students as well.

  9. Improbable Joe

    Yep, never been a teenaged girl, so obviously I’m incapable of giving advice… WTF? Sexist much?

  10. You’re very right, Laurie, that we should not dismiss. That doesn’t mean we press the situation just because it’s there, either, though — especially if the child’s behavior is aggressive. We watch, we ask around, get a sense, look for the moments to ask again. And we (ok, I) instruct that it’s ok to be mad, frustrated or scared, but it’s not ok to be hostile, rude or disrepectful to your family, whatever your mood at the moment. They are, after all, on your side.

  11. Donna

    Aptly said, Wayfarer. Laurie, I apologize if my reply was too dismissive, but (1) after getting a few glimpses from Mrs. Chili’s past blog references about her teenage daughter, (2) I also have an emotional, 15 year-old daughter, and (3) I’m a high school teacher, I feel I am slightly aware of teenage angst, mentalities, and drama. I applaud Mrs. Chili’s concern about her daughter’s anger and refusal to talk. She is a good parent to be aware of her daughter’s ups and downs, and it hurts to have a child’s anger directed towards you for an unknown reason. I replied as I did because I’m sure Mrs. Chili would have been more concerned or aware, or her daughter would have spoken up if it was truly a very serious matter.

    Laurie, I’m sorry about what you went thru, and like you said, it is very wise for all of us to listen closely to what young people have to say, and what they don’t say.

  12. needsatimeout

    I remember once being really angry and taking it out on my mom and dad. My mom asked me what on earth was the matter and all I could say was “I am not sure but I am just really really really ANGRY” and that was the truth I couldn’t figure out what was making me angry but I knew I was over the top angry and knew I wasn’t being fair to my parents which was making me even more upset. I don’t have any advice for you. I wish I did I will be thinking of you though!

  13. Welcome to my world! It will go away, eventually. I’m not holding my breath though.

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