Monday Musing

Forgive me for being cagey. I have something I want to work out, but I don’t want to get into specific details.

I had a falling out with someone a while ago. My perspective is that it was based almost entirely on a failure on both our parts to communicate effectively – I thought something and they thought something different and neither of us was able to get though to the other well enough to make it work. I extended an effort to remedy the situation, but I have yet to receive a reply and, honestly, I’ve given up expecting one. As a consequence, the friendship broke down.

Something important is happening to that person in the near future, and I’m trying to decide whether or not to send out congratulations and good wishes.

O’Mama suggested that I try to find the edge between what I want to do and what I think that person would want. The trouble is that I think that the answer to those things are exactly opposed: I want to send my love and to open, again, a space where movement back together might begin, and I have the distinct impression that the person would be just as happy not to hear from me. My instinct, then, is to honor what I think they’d want and to let it lie, but I recognize that I may not be seeing it clearly.

Thoughts?

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Monday Musing

  1. lovindmutts

    It’s rough when a friendship is lost over something that is so simple to overcome (simple vs easy.. two different things).

    I had a similar situation a while back- SIL joined the family at a time when I was VERY not at my best. My life was in shambles and going downhill fast so her first impression of me was HORRIBLE!!!

    It was probably 3 years, and I wasn’t satisfied with the chasm between us. I purchased some things for their son, things I knew they needed, and sent the package to them, with a letter apologizing and explaining-without-explaining my side.

    The response- an invitation to spend the next holiday with them!

    I know your situation is not likely to be much like mine at all. I’m sure my SIL wanted the gap between us closed as much as I did, so I know that helped a lot.

    In your case, send your best wishes for his/her future, along with a sincere apology for any misunderstanding and hard feelings.. then let it lie.

    If the other party contacts you, accept whatever is said with good grace (as tough as this may be sometimes), and move from there.

    If they don’t contact you, know that you did your best to make it work, and the ball is now in their court. If they don’t wanna play, they don’t wanna play.

  2. Jennifer

    I agree…and Lovindmutts said it better than I probably could. I would send your congratulations and then leave the ball in their court.

  3. I’m clueless about how you are going to repair the rift, just know it isn’t with me, and that I can’t take sides.

  4. I always err on the side of putting good energy into the world. It certainly can’t make things worse.

  5. Kagan Alexander

    It sounds like you DID try to repair the rift. If your friend hasn’t responded, perhaps that’s your answer.

  6. I think an act of kindness is a good way to begin to repair the hurt. It may open the door to honest conversation and let her know that you’re not holding a grudge. Wishing you well as you make a decision.

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