Monthly Archives: November 2012

DONE!

The first draft of The Paper (and, yes; that is a proper noun) is in the can!  It still needs work – perhaps a lot of work – but the initial job of getting together a beginning, middle, and end is complete!

Phew!

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Final Exam

I was talking to my friend and neighbor the other day about the idea of life lessons, and I mentioned to her that I usually feel like I know when I’m being tested about something.

Well, I don’t think that I’m being tested so much as I’m testing myself – that my energy needs to learn a particular something in order to evolve, and that I seek out, whether consciously or not, the conditions under which I will be compelled to learn and grow, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, it only happens after I become consciously aware of a pattern of situations that ask me to demonstrate a particular skill or habit over and over again, often culminating in something particularly difficult or painful that requires everything I’ve got to successfully navigate.  Once that last push is finished, though, I notice that I rarely am presented with an occasion to prove myself again or, if I am, the situation is easily managed and I almost never have to think – or stress – about it again.

I feel like I’m on the eve of one of those final exams, and that I have to get through my grandmother’s memorial service – and the conditions that event is going to facilitate – before I know if I’ve passed or not.

I’ve talked to a bunch of people privately about this, and they’ve all been pretty consistent in telling me that I’ve got this, that the energy I’m giving it isn’t a sign that I’m going to fail the test but rather a sign that I’m ready to take it.  My neighbor even suggested that I’ve already passed.  She pointed out that my ability to articulate exactly what I’m expecting and exactly what I will do under any of a variety of different possible scenarios demonstrates that I’ve already internalized the skills, and that coming out the other side of it is just a way to convince myself that I’m done with this particular lesson.

I hope she’s right, because I’m eager to graduate from this particular class.

 

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Filed under compassion and connection, concerns, family matters, frustrations, Home and Family, learning, messages from the Universe, ruminating, this is NOT a drill, Worries and Anxieties

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

All my words are being used up in my seminar paper (which I may post at teacherseducation when it’s done… you were warned).  In the meantime, ponder this and tell me what you think:

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Ten Things Tuesday

I’m trying to circle in on ten things I want for Christmas, but I’m not there yet.  Maybe next week.

This week, you get 10 songs I can’t stand to have stuck in my head, courtesy of Wayfarer and Mr. Chili, who were doing their best to piss me off in the car last week.  Don’t bother trying to convince me that these are great songs; I frickin’ hate every last one of them (and no; I’m not linking to any of them; if you want to hear them, go look ’em up yourself because I don’t need that shit stuck in my head, thankyouverymuch).

1.  You KNOW this one would be first.  Copacabana, by Barry Manilow.

2.  MacArthur Park, in any of its iterations.  What the fuck is that song even about, anyway?

3.  Tie a Yellow Ribbon by Tony Orlando and Dawn

4.  Refugee by Tom Petty.  I have a complex relationship with Petty; I like everything he’s done since Wildflowers, but everything before that makes me kinda cringe.

5.  I Shot the Sheriff by Eric Clapton.

6.  Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen.  I figure this is the one that’ll be most heavily protested, but I just don’t like it.

7.  Kokomo by the Beach Boys.

8.  Easy Lover by Phil Collins.  There were a couple of his songs that I just can’t stand, and this is one of ’em.  Funny, there are a number of his songs, especially with Genesis, that I absolutely adore…

9.  We Built this City by … who’s responsible for that abomination?  Starship, right?

10.  Do Ya Think I’m Sexy by Rod Stewart (though Mike Meyers doing it as Stuart Mackenzie in So I Married an Axe Murderer makes me laugh every time)

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Filed under dumbassery, frustrations, General Bitching, music, my oh-so-exciting life

Monday Meme

It’s a quick one today; I’ve got stuff to do.  Thanks, Kwizgiver, for the fix!

1) Are you still feasting on cold turkey, or any other leftovers, from your Thanksgiving meal?   I wouldn’t say “feasting,” but “nibbling” is a fair assessment.  We didn’t take that much home this year, and I may end up roasting a little turkey breast for sandwiches next weekend.

2) AAA says Thanksgiving is a big travel weekend. Did you venture far from home for your holiday dinner?   No; the Senior Chilis live in the next town over.  We traveled all of about 6 minutes.

3) Is this weekend the official start of the Christmas season for you?   Not really.  For me, the season begins when the tree goes up, and that won’t happen until the weekend after this one coming (which will feature Gramma’s memorial service).

4) Which couple would you rather hang out with — Fred and Wilma Flintstone or George and Jane Jetson?   Neither, but I would like to spend an afternoon with Neil Degrasse Tyson.

5) Have you/would you ever get your teeth whitened?  I never have and, beyond an occasional tube of whitening toothpaste that happens to be on sale, I likely never will.

6) Do you still have your high school class ring?   I do, but I literally never wear it.  It will be something my kids don’t know what to do with after I die.

7) Here’s $50. You must spend it all in one place. What are you going to do with it?   I’m going to my favorite local bookstore.  Duh!

8) Could your vehicle use a trip to the car wash right about now?   She’s not so much dirty on the outside as she needs a good, thorough vacuuming on the inside.  Autumn and winter are dirty seasons around here; there’s a lot of grit and leaves and such all over the place, and deep wells in the soles of warm shoes and boots that like to deposit such things in places where they’re not wanted.

9) Did you hit the snooze button this morning?  This morning, instead of grumbling about him, we were grateful for Toeses and his annoying habit of yelling first thing in the morning.  Mama forgot to turn her alarm back on after the long weekend, and Punk turned hers off and went back to sleep, so the only reason the family got out the door in time today was that Toeses did his morning yelling.

Happy Monday, Everyone.  I hope it’s a good one.

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Birthday Love

It’s Carson‘s birthday!  Go on over and wish him happy.

I will freely admit to having a huge, geeky crush on this man.  For starters, he is, as we say around here, wicked smaht.  The work that Carson does in academia is stunning, and though he assures me that I am his intellectual peer, I’m not sure I buy that; I think he’s much smarter than I am.

Our politics are nearly perfectly aligned.  Though there are a few topics we haven’t covered yet, we determined a few weeks ago that if we’re not spot-on in terms of our respective stances, we’re at least in the same zip code.  What I really love about this, though, is that we don’t just sit around assuring one another of our correctness; we’re willing to ask questions and challenge assumptions and make sure that we really understand the implications of our stances.  I dig that about him.

There is something about Carson’s energy that I love.  He’s engaged and enthusiastic, seemingly all the time.  He’s a careful and thorough critical thinker.  He radiates generosity and compassion.  Oh, and don’t forget the funny; here is a soul who loves to laugh, and in that, we are peers.

Carson is a running freak.  I mean it; the man goes for “easy” 20-mile runs.  WHAT?!  About this, he and I are decidedly incompatible, but I respect and admire his fortitude and his commitment.

I am honored that this man offers me his friendship, his time, and his attention, and I’m grateful for another year with his voice in my chorus.

Happiest of birthdays to you, my friend, and may you celebrate many more.

 

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There; She is Gone*

My beloved grandmother passed early this morning.

It’s difficult for me to express my beliefs about what happens to us after death.  I suppose it could be said that I’m not a “good” atheist; I don’t believe there’s nothing after we die.  I can’t say with any kind of certainty what I do think there is, but I do think there’s something.

I mean, think about it; science is telling us that we’re about 99.9% identical – that when you get right down to it, the components that make up our physical beings are so similar as to make us practically indistinguishable from one another.

That this is true doesn’t diminish one bit the fact that, in all of our history (long or short, depending on your perspective), never have there been two people who are exactly the same.  Each of us carries our own unique vibration, an energy that it gloriously and wholly our own.

That energy has to go somewhere, and I believe that we who are still housing our energy in bodies can continue to connect with those who have shed their skins.  It gives me comfort to believe that her energy – her radiant, generous, joyous energy – persists, and that I might still feel it if I’m still and quiet and paying attention.

I love you, Gramma; present tense.

 

*The title of this post refers to this poem by Henry Van Dike.  It expresses quite nicely what I’m trying to say here.

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Filed under celebration, compassion and connection, family matters, Home and Family, love notes, memorials, messages from the Universe, on death and dying, ruminating