I was passed over for the job I was hoping to get.
While this comes as exactly no surprise, it’s still pretty devastating; in a whole year of searching, this was the closest I’ve ever come to the hope of landing a position, and I’m starting to really get discouraged (yesterday, I was listening to a report on NPR about the unemployment rate. The analyst said that it’s likely that the unemployment rate would be lower if not for all of the long-term unemployed people who’ve simply given up the search. I sympathize with them, I really do).
When I made the announcement to my extended circle, a bunch of people chimed in to offer me (much appreciated) condolences. Along with the “they don’t know what they’re missing” and the “I’m so sorry to hear that” messages, though, were a number of people who expressed the idea that I didn’t get this job because it wasn’t the “right” one. The theme of these notes were that this was a false lead; that I’m somehow being saved for the perfect job and that “something better” is coming for me.
While I desperately wish that were true, I’m not sure that I can believe it. The grit of this experience – the totality of it; from the nightmare of the last 6 months of my last job, to the shitty way I was treated by people I trusted, to the confidence-killing repetition of either deafening silence or polite rejection from the places I’ve applied to – has ground some pretty deep and painful grooves in my psyche.
I really need a lucky break, but I don’t see one coming on the horizon. It’s difficult to fight against feeling hopeless.