Someone about whom I care very, very deeply has a partner who, for reasons I have yet to fully understand, strongly objects to our friendship. As a consequence, the contact I’ve had with this friend has been exclusively limited to online communication for the past several years, and while I’m pretty good at maintaining electronic friendships, I had really loved the fact that, at least once or twice a year, I got to actually put my arms around my friend and enjoy some sustained one-on-one time with him.
When that stopped a few years ago, I made up for that discontinued contact with little love notes texted to his phone, or to comments on facebook that expressed my affinity for my friend and the place he still holds in my life. I found out today that those comments have been causing him trouble at home, though, and so I’m going to stop.
Because I love my friend, I do not want for him to suffer any kind of inconvenience or tension in general, and I really don’t want to be the cause of that trouble. I’m trying to contrive a way that I can continue to ping him every once in a while to let him know that I’m thinking kindly of him and that the thought of him brightens my life, but to do so in a way that won’t bring him grief at home. Maybe I’ll text him flower pictures or something, because while I don’t want my expressions to be trouble for him, I’m not willing to just give up on him and walk away, either.
Sometimes, love is hard.