The other day, I was chatting on Facebook with my cousin. One of the things I like about her is that she’s honest; she doesn’t sugar coat anything, but neither does she indulge in unnecessary drama or hyperbole, either.
Her assessment of her current status was that she “sucks,” but she’s “stubborn,” so she’s making do.
That lead me to try to describe to her how I’m doing, and I came to kind of a startling realization. I feel as though, over the last 6 months or so, I have been hanging in a near perfect balance.
Professionally, I am doing exactly what I want to do. I’m teaching in a high school classroom, and I have a LOT of professional and creative freedom to run my classes how I please. The school is at the end of a really pleasant commute, my room is on the sunny side of the building, and every once in a while, I feel like I’m making a difference.
On the other side of the see-saw, though, I HATE where I am. The culture of this school is completely dysfunctional. There are almost no expectations for student behavior or academic performance. The adults in charge are not at all supportive or approachable, and I have serious doubts about whether there’s a future for me here.
Personally, I am in a really good place. My marriage is strong and healthy. My children are doing well in their respective pursuits; Bean is rockin’ her junior year in high school and is active in clubs and activities and Punk is working at the deli in our local market and taking a couple of classes at Local U.
All of that good is counter-balanced by the fact that I am still bereft over losing Jordi. That little beastie was a huge part of my heart, and I still miss her every single day. I find myself worried when the cats go out; we’ve always had indoor-outdoor cats because, while there are clear and obvious risks, we (and our vet) feel that their quality of life is better when they’re allowed to play outdoors. I know I’m going to have to get over it, but I’m not nearly there yet.
See? Perfect balance